second stake.

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

[Buffy is sitting on an unweildy tower, looking out over the edge. This is where she died, and where Dawn almost had. It's a cloudy day and she wishes the rain would just fall and get it over with instead of taunting her with its heavy cumulus. She knows, logically, she could probably make the Sun come out, or even make the rain come, if it was what she wanted-- but she's sick of being in control. She wants the world back with its unpredictable and even sometimes cruel ways. She wants the real Earth beneath her and the real sky over her and all the messed up stuff in between. She wants to feel love and hate and trust and hurt. She wants her life back.

But she doesn't, all the same. Spike, her mom's death, Dawn.... So many things held a giant question mark, and things were good here. Great, even. She could be with Angel without fear, and she had made friends she could visit whenever she wanted. The only question she had left at the end of her long think-y process was simply, Was it more selfish to stay, or to go?]

Just go away. Get your own tower of feel-bad. [she murmurs when you approach, curling around herself.]

Comments

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

I don't know, but crumbling towers and a derezzed Grid? There's gotta be some better way for us to meet.

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

You're right. [Buffy looks sad again, though she's still better for the company.] But maybe it's all we know. Death. Destruction. It tends to be a theme with me.

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

[Sam reaches toward Buffy, hesitates and then slides a little closer, putting his hand on her shoulder] Maybe you're right. Death. Destruction. ...being alone. [He lets his hand slip from her shoulder]

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

[She looks up into his face, expression more neutrally sad now.]

I'm not right. I mean, at least we have each other in our aloneness. Kind of defeats the purpose, don't you think? [Buffy brushes some hair out of her eye, still looking up and him and offering a lame smile.]

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

Alone together, huh? [It's just too bad that he has to be asleep for that] I think I like that.

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

[She bites her smile against a completely inappropriate grin, unconsciously leaning toward him just a little.]

I don't hate it either.

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

I guess misery really does love company. [He puts his hand on her shoulder again, though he's not really sure where to go from there, or if he should go anywhere from there]

So, should we sit and enjoy each other's company in silence, or do you wanna talk?

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

I guess we could do the silence thing, though that would be a lot like doing the alone thing.. well, alone.

[She looks back over at him, as if she's done speaking, and then she realizes... she just said she wanted to talk.] Oh. I guess that means I should get with the talky, huh?

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

[She sure did say that!] That's usually what it means when someone decides they don't want to sit in silence.

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

Right. [flushes ever so slightly, looking away from him and back over the edge of the tower.]

This is where I did the dying thing.

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

I... oh. [Sam leans out over the edge of the tower a little, to look down. He's just sort of taking the time to, well, waste time] Wow. This is where it happened...

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

Yep. Big hell sucky portal thingy, and I jumped right in... [Her eyebrows knit together in memory, almost forgetting Sam is there for a second.]

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

[Sam goes silent for a while and just thinks about what she said. After what seems like far too long, Sam turns to Buffy again] You jumped knowing it would kill you?

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

[She flinches, but nods, taking a breath.]

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

Shit, that sorta came out wrong. But I guess it's there now. So... Was it worth it? [He feels like he might be approaching 'just go away' territory again]

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

[She looks up into his eyes, don't worry Sam, no go away vibes here. Just .. pain.]

Yeah, it was.

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

[Sam looks back at her, down at his hands, and then at her again. He's going out on a limb here but he reaches out to take one of her hands. He's trying to be comforting] Then I guess the rest doesn't really matter.

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

[She frowns, looking at their hands. It doesn't feel real, but slowly - she squeezes.]

Really? Cause it feels... matter-y.

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

[Sam spares a quick glance for their hands when she squeezes his. He didn't expect that. But then, he didn't expect to reach out and take her hand, either] I don't actually know.

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

[Well, she hadn't been expecting either..either. So they were even.]

If it feels mattery, shouldn't it be... mattery? I hope it's not a false matter positive. [Nervous babble Buffy. Not of the good. But she couldn't help it.]

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

Uh, yeah. I guess you're probably right. But if whatever you died for was worth it... [Sam really has no idea how to properly explain just what he's trying to say. All the words are in his head but his mouth just isn't cooperating]

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

[She smiles sadly, understanding the unsaid.] It was.

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

Then I guess... [He shakes his head. The conversation's just going to keep going in circles. Maybe it's about time for it to leave the depressing, or something] I jumped off of a building once.

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

[That catches her attention, and she looks at him like he's damaged. But okayyy, she's amused.] Are you trying to show me up?

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

Well that is why I initially failed to mention the parachute. [He's not really trying to make light of her situation or anything. It's his lame attempt at cheering her up]