second stake.

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

[Buffy is sitting on an unweildy tower, looking out over the edge. This is where she died, and where Dawn almost had. It's a cloudy day and she wishes the rain would just fall and get it over with instead of taunting her with its heavy cumulus. She knows, logically, she could probably make the Sun come out, or even make the rain come, if it was what she wanted-- but she's sick of being in control. She wants the world back with its unpredictable and even sometimes cruel ways. She wants the real Earth beneath her and the real sky over her and all the messed up stuff in between. She wants to feel love and hate and trust and hurt. She wants her life back.

But she doesn't, all the same. Spike, her mom's death, Dawn.... So many things held a giant question mark, and things were good here. Great, even. She could be with Angel without fear, and she had made friends she could visit whenever she wanted. The only question she had left at the end of her long think-y process was simply, Was it more selfish to stay, or to go?]

Just go away. Get your own tower of feel-bad. [she murmurs when you approach, curling around herself.]

Comments

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

It is hard to deny the potential harshness in daily life.

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

Especially when it wasn't that long ago that daily life was much less harsh.

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

I couldn't have said it better myself. ..No, really, I couldn't have.

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

Well, what's 'less harsh' for you with your... interesting life?

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

Before my mom-- before she died.

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

How long has it been? Since your mom, I mean...

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

A couple months.

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

Still pretty fresh then. I'm sorry.

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

That's one thing that'll never be .. un-fresh. And that's not your fault.

[She gives a long pause, considering not saying the next part, but the choice is taken away when the words tumble out against her wishes.] With all the weird, slay-y, vampire stuff? I never thought-- I think I forgot people could die. Just - die.

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I get that. The whole dad thing never stopped being, well, fresh. You know, I was finally moving past the whole thing, when it all came right back again. Twenty years ago, all over again.

[Sam sits up, and looks down at Buffy, trying to really understand what she's saying] I can't really say that I get it on that level but I think I sorta understand on some... lower level.

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

I see your lower level and I raise it one plank. [Her tone is light, but her eyes betray her and she's unable to tear her gaze away from Sam.]

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

Oh, do you? [He can't help but grin down at her] It's not entirely the same, but, I mean, most kids don't see their parents as people who can actually... die. That, coupled with the fact that my dad was basically a god on the Grid... [He shrugs] Made him seem indestructible.

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

[That smile is catching, but her response is more somber.] ..I get that. [Her hand moves slowly towards Sam, her knuckle ghosting his cheek.]

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

[He tries to keep the surprise brought on by the light touch from showing too much. To say it's unexpected is a bit of an understatement] At least I know what happened to him this time. I don't have to spend another twenty years wondering.

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

[Her breath catches, but she still can't look away.] It's better to know. Even when it's hurty.

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it is. I did the not knowing thing already, and I'd like to not have to do it again. I spent twenty years wondering if maybe he just got tired of everything and ran off. I mean, I had a laundry list of other possibilities, and that one was far down the list, but it was still on it.

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

It's be hard not to think that way.

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it is. Especially when there are whispers of it everywhere.

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

[She pushes her head against Sam's chest, words suddenly unreachable and far away. The beating of his heart compels her closer, a sound she doesn't hear often enough. It feels right to be able to comfort someone again, to not always be the one comforted. She's sick of it, sick of her friends feeling sorry for her and treating her like spun glass. Sam doesn't treat her that way, and it's as refreshing as the thundering against her ear.]

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

[It takes Sam a moment to react, but when he finally does, he just wraps his arms around her. Having her close is... nice. It's comforting. Especially after baring his soul like he did. Well, to a much greater degree than he really ever had before, at least. It's much easier to tell all to a girl you only see when you sleep]

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

[Buffy's just content to rest there for the moment, letting the tension seep out of her and releasing a quiet sigh. It had been a long time since she'd been in this position--the comfortee instead of the comforter. And not the blanket kind. Though she could find the similarities in a fluffy comforter and Sam's warm embrace.

She felt protected, and for The Slayer that was quite a feat.]

i thought i tagged this back years ago! ; ;

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

[The idea of playing protector to anyone is still a bit of a foreign concept to him. Sure, there was the whole thing with the Grid and saving it from Clu and protecting Quorra and... But this is different. Being thrown into the position is much different than choosing it. And this time, it's his choice. He's glad that he can be here for her]

Are you alright?

it's all good bb ;;

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

[She's not about to let go any time soon, curling her hand against his shoulder, tucking herself in under the line of his jaw.] The alrightiest. [Her tone is muffled, not exactly confident, but maybe she can start believing it after a few more minutes of this, her mind going pleasantly quiet.]

; ; <333

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

Are you sure? [She doesn't exactly seem alright, but that's just from his outside perspective. And the perspective of Sam Flynn isn't necessarily the right one, after all. He lifts one hand to the back of her head, lightly stroking her hair. He remembers his Grams doing it to him after his mother died, and how comforting it was so maybe the same would hold true for Buffy as well]

ilu <3

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

You caught me, I have guiltface. [She sighs, leaning into his touch just that much more.] It's selfish, I'm being selfish by staying here. [She may not always like it here, but it was hard to remember that so close to Sam's heartbeat.]