second stake.

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

[Buffy is sitting on an unweildy tower, looking out over the edge. This is where she died, and where Dawn almost had. It's a cloudy day and she wishes the rain would just fall and get it over with instead of taunting her with its heavy cumulus. She knows, logically, she could probably make the Sun come out, or even make the rain come, if it was what she wanted-- but she's sick of being in control. She wants the world back with its unpredictable and even sometimes cruel ways. She wants the real Earth beneath her and the real sky over her and all the messed up stuff in between. She wants to feel love and hate and trust and hurt. She wants her life back.

But she doesn't, all the same. Spike, her mom's death, Dawn.... So many things held a giant question mark, and things were good here. Great, even. She could be with Angel without fear, and she had made friends she could visit whenever she wanted. The only question she had left at the end of her long think-y process was simply, Was it more selfish to stay, or to go?]

Just go away. Get your own tower of feel-bad. [she murmurs when you approach, curling around herself.]

Comments

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

Only it wasn't her fault, you know? [She sighs.] There is no dealing. There just...is.

Something very bad happened here.

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

Is there something in particular I should say? Everything I try just seems so inconsequential.

[And the sky just got very uninteresting. Sam turns to look at Buffy, looking concerned] You mean aside from you dying here?

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

No, no. Don't-- you're not. Inconsequential. [She rolls on her side to look him in the eye.]

This psycho goddess bled Dawn out and opened up a portal to Hell. The only way to stop it was by killing Dawn. Well, except that there was a loophole. Me.

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

In comparison to everything you're telling me? Pretty inconsequential.

[Sam rolls onto his side as well, and pulls his hand from Buffy's grasp, using it to prop up his head. He does take her hand back with his free one, though]

You sacrificed yourself?

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

I don't think that. Inconsequential doesn't even cross my mind when I think of you. [She looks away from him, nodding.]

Only the blood of the key could close the portal. She shared my blood.

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

[He may be a little curious about just what she thinks when she thinks of him, but he doesn't say anything] Then maybe not entirely inconsequential.

So they even made her genetically your sister?

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

Not even entirely at all. You're...consequential. Very consequential. [Buffy squeezes his fingers to punctuate.]

Yeah. Pretty creepy, right?

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

Being consequential seems like a pretty big responsibility. [He gives her a quick smile]

I don't think the word creepy even manages to do it justice.

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

You can go back to being inconsequential if it's too much for you. [She edges closer to him, ducking her head.]

Does macabre cover it? [A beat.] I did get a sister out of the deal. That part- wasn't as creepy.

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

No, I've learned to live with other responsibilities, so I can learn to live with this one. ...Well, I will learn to live with other responsibilities.

I think that does it. But the sister thing? That must've been pretty nice.

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

Right. [It's a real relief for her that Sam's as articulate as she is.] You're the responsibilities king.

[She lifts their hands into view, just kind of staring at them.] It was pretty nice. Once she got over the whole, I'm not real - thing.

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

[Sam's longest conversations are with a dog. That helps] More like the responsibilities court jester whose royal lineage has just been discovered. Moving up in the ranks, you know?

I guess in the end, a sister is still a sister. Or something like that.

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

Ooh, metaphor-y. I like.

A sister is a sister, no matter how small? Or, a sister is a sister no matter how much she's really ancient energy. I've heard it both ways.

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

Metaphor-y and completely true. [Only his metaphorical royal lineage wasn't discovered so much as... always known :|]

I guess they both make sense.

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

You know something? Accuracy is completely underrated these days.

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

You're completely right. Just sometimes, though, I wish accuracy wasn't so.. accurate.

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

I get that. Accuracy can be accurately harsh.

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

It can. I really hate it sometimes. I guess everything has harshness potential though.

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

It is hard to deny the potential harshness in daily life.

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

Especially when it wasn't that long ago that daily life was much less harsh.

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

I couldn't have said it better myself. ..No, really, I couldn't have.

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

Well, what's 'less harsh' for you with your... interesting life?

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

Before my mom-- before she died.

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

How long has it been? Since your mom, I mean...

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

A couple months.