second stake.

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

[Buffy is sitting on an unweildy tower, looking out over the edge. This is where she died, and where Dawn almost had. It's a cloudy day and she wishes the rain would just fall and get it over with instead of taunting her with its heavy cumulus. She knows, logically, she could probably make the Sun come out, or even make the rain come, if it was what she wanted-- but she's sick of being in control. She wants the world back with its unpredictable and even sometimes cruel ways. She wants the real Earth beneath her and the real sky over her and all the messed up stuff in between. She wants to feel love and hate and trust and hurt. She wants her life back.

But she doesn't, all the same. Spike, her mom's death, Dawn.... So many things held a giant question mark, and things were good here. Great, even. She could be with Angel without fear, and she had made friends she could visit whenever she wanted. The only question she had left at the end of her long think-y process was simply, Was it more selfish to stay, or to go?]

Just go away. Get your own tower of feel-bad. [she murmurs when you approach, curling around herself.]

Comments

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

[She leans a little closer, completely invested in storytime.] Were you and your dad...close?

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

We were about as close as we could be, all things considered.

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

[Her eyes are sad when she smiles for him.] Mom and me were really close too.

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

[Sam slides a little closer to Buffy. Some measure of closeness just seems right, at the moment] What was your mom like?

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

She was... the best mom anyone could have. Period. She always took care of me, and even Dawnie, no matter what. [She was tearing up and trying desperately not to.] She was so good about all the Slayer stuff, you know? Like who takes that in stride-- Hey, your daughter was chosen to fight lots of scaly monsters and creeps with fangs, and oh, she'll probably die before her 21st birthday.

But she did it. And she was so-- so good about it. [A tear falls, and her other hand is quick to rub at her eyes.]

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

She really sounds great. She actually sounds, well, exactly like the kind of mom I hope I had. [Sam pulls his hand from Buffy's and then pauses before wrapping an arm around her shoulders in an attempt to comfort her. It's only seconds before he lets his arm fall again, though]

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

[She frowns, wondering what she did to lose the contact. Maybe she was being come on too strong girl. Buffy leaned back a bit again, looking at her feet as the tower creaked.] It sounds stupid, but she was perfect.

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

It sounds pretty not stupid to me. [He holds his hand out to her, hoping she'll get his not so subtle hint]

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I guess it can't be too stupid if it's true. [She feels her cheeks heat up, color spreading across as she takes his hand again, her eyes still shining with unshed tears.]

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

Exactly. You know, I tried to get the conversation away from the depressing topics, but we seem to keep going back to those.

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

It's kind of hard not to.

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I guess it is. [He looks down at their hands, finding them rather interesting at the moment] My mom was killed in a car accident when I was a kid. Like, two or three years old. Dad and Alan and my grandparents used to all tell me things about her, but it doesn't help, you know?

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

Oh, Sam... I'm sorry. [Suddenly, looking at him is all too much so she's half grateful for him looking at their hands, though it makes her gaze follow suit.] I know.

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I never really knew her though so... [He shrugs and shakes his head. He can't really say that he's upset by it now. He can't really say that he misses someone he doesn't even know] Dad was the upsetting part.

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

I know what you mean. My dad's still alive, but I still never felt like I really knew him. I'd visit? But he was always a stranger.

He doesn't even know I'm... Or about Dawn. He doesn't know anything.

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

I didn't really get to see dad much and one night before he ran off to work, he promised me that we'd hang out the next day. That was the last I saw of him for about twenty years. ...when did your dad leave? [He's just assuming from the way she's talking and if he's wrong, he'll feel like a total idiot, but it's out there now]

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

Oh, no. He didn't leave. [She puts her other hand over his, turning it over.] It was more of a mutual divorce..thing.

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

Right. Sorry. Just the way you were talking about him made it sound, well, less than mutual? I don't know. Just not like that.

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

I didn't mean to make it sound...how I made it sound. [She's preoccupied with Sam's hand now, one hand loosely holding his wrist while the other traces over the creases of his palm.]

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

I probably shouldn't be making assumptions, either. [He pauses, simply watching the way she's touching his hand. And then:] I take it Dawn's your sister?

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

[She lets out a breath at her sister's name, tilting her head to the side as she looks back over at him.] Sort of. I mean, she is, but she's not. It's kind of....a longish story.

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

Maybe you can tell me about it sometime.

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

[She bites her lip.] Do you have time now?

[changedthegame.livejournal.com]

[Sam smiles at her and then lays back, looking up at the sky] I've got lots of time.

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

[She follows stiltedly, not wanting to let go of his hand.] She's not really a person. She's a big ball of otherworldly energy. But she's still my sister. Call me sentimental.

...I guess that wasn't that long.