Day 4-- Through The Looking Glass

[vacationisalie.livejournal.com]

[This is insane.]

Hey Roxas? I gotta tell you something… something important, okay?

I’m not what you think I am.

[This is wrong.]

You remember when you unlocked your heart to save Kairi? Well I do too.

[It has to be the world’s biggest joke yet, Roxas’ mouth set in a thin, pale line as his hands grip the keyblade, slashing into everything. Break it all, let it all go-

Shatter it. It wasn’t meant to exist.]

Yen Sid told you about Nobodies, right?

What would you do if you had one?

What would you do if it was me?

[An illusion, a fantasy playing on the most horrible of situations he can comprehend- confessing his existence. His lack of right to even having it, the concept behind his own birth, the thoughts and actions of so many others that have influenced Sora’s thinking.]

[Rolled up into one and reversed into something Roxas wouldn’t recognize if he hadn’t daydreamed this so many times, except he’s standing in the wrong role.]

Roxas.

[He’s the Nobody.]

I’m your Nobody.

[Not Sora.]

I figured you’d be angry; but I had to tell you. We’re friends, right?

[If only it was that easy. The first thing he did without even realizing it was to dash away that false image of Sora from his mind, and now- Roxas was taking his time. Letting out pent up frustration at the scenery, tearing up the earth, cutting down trees, watching as the world goes from beautiful to full of rips and tears, black spots flickering about the place as his subconscious struggles to hold its form. Let it break. Let it all break, this insult to everything he is, this insult to all the fears he has.]

[And most insulting of all was the fake heart, beating away in his chest for this one, any only, dream.]

Comments

[waterfell.livejournal.com]

[It's never that easy to cope with those questions of identity; who knows it better than Mercury who spent so long chasing herself? She comes upon the distraught Sora and, without knowing just what had happened, puts herself in line with him.

Something in her doesn't like the rapidly-disappearing world, the destruction of its very fabric. She looks him up and down.]

The rest of this world shouldn't suffer for one person.

[vacationisalie.livejournal.com]

It's just a dream; it doesn't exist.

[There's so much bitterness in those words- that's him. One line, and he's told everything he needs to about himself. A glance to the side tells Roxas he's met this girl before, but he can't remember where. In the real world, or another dream, or-]

[Its a mess. Its a huge mess.]

Nothing here really exists.

[Except, perhaps, the girl looking at him.]

[waterfell.livejournal.com]

[This gives her pause. He's right, of course, if this is the dream world; and she's hardly the right person to give moralizing lectures anyway. She nods as though satisfied.]

So you want to cut away all those false things and get to the true reality. Is that is?

Maybe I understand that.

[vacationisalie.livejournal.com]

Not exactly.

[He doesn't like real life that much either, even if lately, its been easier. Even if he and Sora have been traveling for a month now, even if they've come to trust each other as equals, even if he'd watch Sora's back in any fight.]

[Even if Sora made him laugh the other day. Roxas was so surprised, he'd cut himself off.]

It's not for me.

[waterfell.livejournal.com]

Are you saying you intend to give up and belong nowhere?

[Neither the dream world or unreality, nor the harsh light of waking truth?]

Decide for yourself what you want, and make your place there.

[vacationisalie.livejournal.com]

I don't belong anywhere. Not here, definitely not out there.

[He glares at the world around him, as if its the source of all his problems. In a metaphorical kind of way, it sort of is.]

I don't have to give up not to belong; I just don't.

[waterfell.livejournal.com]

If you decide that, of course it's true.

[Maybe she's not one to talk, after so long wavering over whether she was supposed to belong to the light or to the darkness. She hadn't been as quick and purposeful to decide, walking forward with her head up and eyes fixed forward, as she likes to seem.]

/tags before I forget >_<

[drknss-bnd-lght.livejournal.com]

I thought you weren't meant to kill the messenger. Or something like that. [Ventias's lost the cloak, but he's got his blindfold back on. Either way, his wings are folded easily against his back. An easy shrug and a slight grin at the destruction around him. Cute, but - Amateurish as well. Pathetic, but kinda endearing. Pitiful.]

That's what the Master always said, though. [Not... that his Master kept to it at times 8D;;.]

Re: /tags before I forget >_<

[vacationisalie.livejournal.com]

I did kill the messenger. [Blunt. He doesn't want to have this conversation, not with him. Ventus is too- happy, full of light, for all of this. A frustrated glance to the area where he struck Sora down, and Roxas continues ripping up the ground. His mind doesn't seem to comprehend what's supposed to be under there, and so all that's left is a great black hole.]

You should probably leave, Ven.

-- ok. tagged this and now I sleep. :(

[drknss-bnd-lght.livejournal.com]

It's Venitas. [It's sneered - and it sounds, right now, like 'vanitas'. Ven's.. too plain, too simple - light hearted and innocent, and for all his behaviour and quirks, Venitas is not innocent. He's only mildly psychotic, really..... Ven is too plebeian for him and he doesn't seem to give two fucks that Roxas looks like him. Or maybe does, and he's just, nonchalant about the whole thing.]

Why would you kill it though? It did nothing to you.

Sleep well! o/

[vacationisalie.livejournal.com]

Venitas, then.

[If Venitas was going to act like a fool, then let him. Not like this dream wasn't warped enough, anyway. The look Roxas casts him is bored, but he stops lashing out at everything, crossing his arms.]

Why does it concern you? This is my dream- I'm fixing it.

[Breaking it. To itty, bitty pieces, until it can't even be found in the darkest recesses of his subconscious.]

I never asked for your opinion.

i did!

[drknss-bnd-lght.livejournal.com]

I happened on it, idiot. And I think I like this setting. [Wide smirk as he mimics the crossed arms - bored enough to stick around and poke-prod at a look-a-like till they snap - or he snaps or they both do. Either way, he's being tame enough, for now.] It's pretty, for an amateur.

[vacationisalie.livejournal.com]

If you can do any better, then go for it.

[A sharp glare- Roxas' irritation and annoyance at both the situation and interruption are only barely curbed. He actually takes the time to look at Venitas; actually look, not merely glance and assume, and his eyes narrow.]

[Great, another lookalike. They keep popping out of the wood works like rabbits.]

Who are you, really?

[dormition]

[This... isn't right. Minato is patient, and all for letting people get out their feelings, but this isn't right. The figments of conversation that he'd mentally overheard hadn't helped much, either-- what he knew of that world was so little, the context so scant. In the end, regardless of what he understands, what matters to him is his friend being so upset.]

... Roxas? [He comes toward him, concern flickering over his face, one hand raised. He just doesn't know what else to say. He feels a little like an intruder.]

[vacationisalie.livejournal.com]

Minato... [There's three people from his dreams that could make him stop tearing this all apart, and this is one of them. There's dirt on his cheek- his keyblade is covered in dust and nicks- for a moment, he feels ashamed.]

[No one was supposed to see this, but Minato, Aerith and Sora? They're the last people he wants to know.]

Um, I was just-

Sorry.

[dormition]

[He shakes his head, denying the apology.] No, I... I'm just worried, [he tells him honestly, approaching closer now.]

What's going on?

[vacationisalie.livejournal.com]

[Roxas takes a deep breath, shoulders slumping. Its been...a month now, hasn't it? A month of traveling, and dreaming; there's so much he's been keeping in, and this dream itself is a manifestation of all of that.]

[Relying on someone, confiding in them; Minato may still judge.]

I was never meant to exist.

[dormition]

[He can't know it, but Minato would be the last person to judge. Something like understanding clouds his expression, the concern receding; he's not entirely unfamiliar with revelations like this.

Reacting to it so strongly, though... that's something he's never done.] You do now. Is that going to change?

[vacationisalie.livejournal.com]

[He doesn't quite recognize it for what it is. Maybe pity, or compassion? But understanding- he doesn't want to think that anyone else would have a grasp on such a thing. Especially a friend.]

I don't know. It was supposed to. When I met him, I was supposed to disappear.

But I didn't.

[He shakes his head, speaking more for himself than for Minato, at this point.]

And now...

The little I did know doesn't actually mean anything.

[auncyenhalig.livejournal.com]

... You are angry.

[ She doesn't understand at all. Her hands curl in front of her chest, defensive but unsure what to defend against, as she watches the scene unravel. ]

[vacationisalie.livejournal.com]

[He stills in his motions. Swallows heavily, chest heaving. Aerith.]

[Roxas couldn't keep tearing this place apart now even if he wanted to.]

Yeah, I guess I am.

[auncyenhalig.livejournal.com]

[ She comes closer, her footsteps slow and steady. ]

At Sora? [ She knows that other voice now. But still not what's really happening here. ]

[vacationisalie.livejournal.com]

No. He's- he doesn't know about this. Any of it.

[He tilts his head up at the sky, thinking. Just what is he angry at? How many people, things, moments...]

I'm angry at Riku, DiZ and Axel for trying to kill me. I'm angry at Namine for telling me I had to disappear. I'm angry at...what happened. What's happening now. It's like I don't have any control, anymore.

I was angry at Sora, but- [The smile that follows is forced, skewed.] he knows even less than I do.

[auncyenhalig.livejournal.com]

[ She frowns, reaching to rest a hand on his shoulder. If Sora doesn't know about any of it ... that's not his confession to be making.

Roxas has said before. About how he wasn't intended to exist. ]

Still, it's understandable to be angry. It's scary when you can't be in control. [ Not being able to live freely, having to watch out for the next threat -- she understands that. ] If you know he's not to blame, that's a good start.

But those people ... how could they? [ There's a brief scowl -- it's upsetting, not knowing how she can help Roxas -- before her expression clears. Only a slight questioning look is left. She knows one of those names ... from where? ]

I am probably going to back tag every thread we ever do forever ;;

[vacationisalie.livejournal.com]

[She's got it in one. It's not Sora's confession to make, not at all. He tenses under the touch, only relaxing after a few moments of controlled effort. His entire existence- very few people have touched him at all.]

I don't think I've ever been in control. [An easy admittance when its true. He sighs and nods his head at the last, closing his eyes briefly. Sora... isn't to blame for all of this.]

[Is anyone, really? He doesn't know enough to be sure.]

Sora died. That's how I was created. He wasn't supposed to come back- but he did. I'm half of who he is.

And everyone...just wants him. I was supposed to give back what I stole.