onepassingnight | Day 4-- Through The Looking Glass

[This is insane.]

Hey Roxas? I gotta tell you something… something important, okay?

I’m not what you think I am.

[This is wrong.]

You remember when you unlocked your heart to save Kairi? Well I do too.

[It has to be the world’s biggest joke yet, Roxas’ mouth set in a thin, pale line as his hands grip the keyblade, slashing into everything. Break it all, let it all go-

Shatter it. It wasn’t meant to exist.]

Yen Sid told you about Nobodies, right?

What would you do if you had one?

What would you do if it was me?

[An illusion, a fantasy playing on the most horrible of situations he can comprehend- confessing his existence. His lack of right to even having it, the concept behind his own birth, the thoughts and actions of so many others that have influenced Sora’s thinking.]

[Rolled up into one and reversed into something Roxas wouldn’t recognize if he hadn’t daydreamed this so many times, except he’s standing in the wrong role.]

Roxas.

[He’s the Nobody.]

I’m your Nobody.

[Not Sora.]

I figured you’d be angry; but I had to tell you. We’re friends, right?

[If only it was that easy. The first thing he did without even realizing it was to dash away that false image of Sora from his mind, and now- Roxas was taking his time. Letting out pent up frustration at the scenery, tearing up the earth, cutting down trees, watching as the world goes from beautiful to full of rips and tears, black spots flickering about the place as his subconscious struggles to hold its form. Let it break. Let it all break, this insult to everything he is, this insult to all the fears he has.]

[And most insulting of all was the fake heart, beating away in his chest for this one, any only, dream.]

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[This... isn't right. Minato is patient, and all for letting people get out their feelings, but this isn't right. The figments of conversation that he'd mentally overheard hadn't helped much, either-- what he knew of that world was so little, the context so scant. In the end, regardless of what he understands, what matters to him is his friend being so upset.]

... Roxas? [He comes toward him, concern flickering over his face, one hand raised. He just doesn't know what else to say. He feels a little like an intruder.]

Minato... [There's three people from his dreams that could make him stop tearing this all apart, and this is one of them. There's dirt on his cheek- his keyblade is covered in dust and nicks- for a moment, he feels ashamed.]

[No one was supposed to see this, but Minato, Aerith and Sora? They're the last people he wants to know.]

Um, I was just-

Sorry.

[He shakes his head, denying the apology.] No, I... I'm just worried, [he tells him honestly, approaching closer now.]

What's going on?

[Roxas takes a deep breath, shoulders slumping. Its been...a month now, hasn't it? A month of traveling, and dreaming; there's so much he's been keeping in, and this dream itself is a manifestation of all of that.]

[Relying on someone, confiding in them; Minato may still judge.]

I was never meant to exist.

[He can't know it, but Minato would be the last person to judge. Something like understanding clouds his expression, the concern receding; he's not entirely unfamiliar with revelations like this.

Reacting to it so strongly, though... that's something he's never done.] You do now. Is that going to change?

[He doesn't quite recognize it for what it is. Maybe pity, or compassion? But understanding- he doesn't want to think that anyone else would have a grasp on such a thing. Especially a friend.]

I don't know. It was supposed to. When I met him, I was supposed to disappear.

But I didn't.

[He shakes his head, speaking more for himself than for Minato, at this point.]

And now...

The little I did know doesn't actually mean anything.

Who you are hasn't changed, [he refutes, a concreteness to his words.] You're still Roxas. You just know the truth.

[Another friend that he might lose. Minato feels stretched taut, can't help but think of Ryoji, of getting to know him and caring about him just in time for him to become the Appriser.]

[Another shake of his head- the anger is gone. In its place is...resignation. He can only go off what's been told to him, chest tight with conflicting emotions that aren't really his to feel.]

I might not be Roxas for long.

[Slowly but surely, there's still the possibility that he'll disappear. The last moments might even be sudden.]

I was happy to get to know you, at least. But maybe this dream is trying to tell me something.

Maybe this should be the end of the road.

You mean-- [he hesitates] stay here?

[With him, as company? It's a selfish motive, so he doesn't give voice to that. He really does want whatever's best for his friend. His words, "happy to get to know you", resonate with Minato: it was the exact sentiment he'd felt when he had died that first time, sacrificed to keep the world safe. Peaceful acceptance... gratefulness...

He might understand a little, now, why everyone had been so upset with him.]

Edited 2011-05-27 03:09 (UTC)

Not stay here, exactly. In fact- [He fidgets, avoiding Minato's gaze in a nervous gesture.] I don't know if I'll be back at all.

But I can't wait for life to be taken away. I want to see it coming.

[The look on Sora's face, the way he'll draw his blade- Roxas wants to see and know. That there's no hesitation, that he really isn't meant to exist. That his other agrees with the sentiments of so many people from the worlds they've been to.]

[He wants to see it coming, when the blade strikes down.]

[Minato doesn't like to talk about this, about anything personal, really, but this in particular - however. If he might never see Roxas again, it's churlish to hold back.]

... A few years ago, I learned something like what you learned. That I wasn't what I thought I was. And I faced death because it was the only thing I could do to save my friends.

I don't regret it, but I didn't realize how hard it is for the other people to watch.

[The words settle into Roxas' chest like lead, and he's blinking back tears without really knowing why those words seem to hit him so hard. He's never watched someone die-]

[One breath at a time. Just one.]

I'm sorry.

But I've spent my whole life not really knowing anything. And a lot of people took advantage of me because of that- Sora should know what I do now. So people won't take advantage of him, either.

[Like they already are; Yen Sid, the king. Kind hearted in nature and working for the best, but without the understanding that Sora was a kid, one who had goals and ambitions and needed to know more than one perspective so he could learn to make up his own mind.]

I've spent so much time being angry with anyone I didn't realize he's just as clueless as me.

Day 4-- Through The Looking Glass

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Hiatus went for longer than expected, sorry love

don't worry about it <3 you know I'll backtag forever~

Cause you're amazing like that~

haha, more like I'm slow enough I'd never finish any threads if I didn't!

Ah man, we can just be slow together, methinks.