onepassingnight | All I want for Christmas is...

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All I want for Christmas is...

[Christmas isn't always a fairytale. It's not always about Santa, or getting presents. Not always about families, not always about togetherness.]

[Sometimes, Christmas equates to isolation. It's something Roxas has gotten used to.]

[Here in the orphanage, plenty of kids are getting excited over the season. It's the season to be jolly-- and the season for couples to feel that little pang of longing, to have a young one of their own bouncing into their room, ripping the colorful paper off presents and beaming up at the camera that will capture them for ages to come.]

[So the orphanage opens it's doors, lets more people in than usual and gives the children a chance to be at their best- playing, fighting, crying; laughing, in front of the many potential mothers and fathers that look their way. Roxas just doesn't understand it.]

[So he stays out of the way, under a tree with his little black book, and writes about far off worlds with disappearing cats and talking caterpillars, because when you don't know what you're missing--]

[How can you want it?]

[OOC: Meet a smaller Roxas than usual- around eight years old and brimming with confusion over the current events. Essentially playing up his lack of understanding to both christmas and family, so-- feel free to pull him from that isolation.]

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[There's no complaints here; she's warm and he really doesn't want to talk to anyone else- if anyone even bothered to attempt talking to him.]

No, it's okay. Then you'll be cold.

[And she's warm right now, so everything's fine. He's warmer just by sharing that tiny bit of body heat, around his beanie and scarf.]

[At that, Xion shakes her head.] I'll be okay. Honest.

[Look, she's even starting to take a glove off for you.]

[Roxas takes a hold of the glove, pulling it back down on her hand.]

You'll catch a cold. [He repeats it stubbornly, frowning. She'd catch a cold, and get sick. Sick people die all the time; last christmas, a boy had went away without being adopted, and though the other kids didn't know, Roxas heard some of the carers talking about his funeral.]

[He'd hate it, if his friend died for him.]

So will you. [Xion frowns back. She stares determinedly at his face for a moment. When his fingers brushed against her hand, they felt so cold. That isn't any good. (She knows all too well that when people stay cold, and they don't move, not even to open their eyes or breathe, then, then, then that means -- )

After a moment, her expression clears and she nods.] Why don't we share? You can have one glove. I'll have the other.

[Sometimes Xion freezes up. It doesn't do anything to talk to her, or shake her. She'll sit there, still as stone, until she's ready to speak and interact with the rest of the world, and Roxas for his part, remains with his head in her lap and waits for her to come back to him. He's an expert at this.]

Well...I guess so. [He looks at her gloves thoughtfully for a moment, before taking the left one. His right hand remains bare, but it's still warm enough when he holds her hand, staring out at the field around them and generally spacing out.]

[Now they won't be cold.]

[That's why Roxas is her best friend. Other kids will wave their hand in her face, or shake her, or yell at her, or try to pull down her hood. But that just scares her more when she comes to, and then she does something that gets her in trouble, and she can't explain to the grown-ups why she hurt the other children. She doesn't like that she does it. When she thinks about it, she wants to cry. She just wants to be friends. But now all the other kids are scared of her, and Roxas is the only one who sticks around.]

Good. [She smiles a little now. Perfect. Her left hand is now exposed to the cold air, but that's the hand she's holding Roxas' bare hand with. This is the best way to stay warm ever, even better than hot chocolate.

This is another reason why Roxas is her best friend. They can just sit and be quiet together. She doesn't have to pretend to be good or worry about him wanting to see her face or the other kids trying to pick on her. She can just be and she doesn't have to think, which is a nice thing, a new thing. Xion always has to be thinking, because it feels like if she ever stops, then something will catch up with her. She can't stay like this for long, because whatever it is, it's still chasing her, but with Roxas, she can take a break. No one else lets her take a break.]

Edited 2011-12-20 12:44 (UTC)

[He's relaxed- perfectly fine with things the way they are. He knows Xion won't prompt him to speak; but she'll let him say what he needs to, when he's ready. Ask questions and ponder things that don't make much sense-- she always understands.]

[That's why, for a few minutes there's utter silence between them. He doesn't need to say anything, or push his thoughts to move faster than they have to. Xion gives him the time, gives him the contact that he sometimes needs to calm down and just... relax. Neither of them are really kids, neither of them fit in-]

[They have each other. Roxas wouldn't have it any other way.]

Do you ever want to see the world?

[He shifts, looking at his journal with a small sense of longing. Alice got to go down the rabbit hole; he'd like to do that too. With Xion by his side.]

Maybe even other worlds?

[Xion has to think about that. Do you ever want to see the world? She doesn't think about what she wants very often. One time, the grown-ups told them all to draw what they want to be when they grow up. Some kids drew fire fighters or doctors or spacemen and one kid even drew a farmer, but Xion didn't draw anything at all. She can't imagine growing up. What is it like to be grown up? That isn't a question Xion thinks of very often, and it isn't one she can answer.]

Dunno. [At the very least, she can be honest. What else is there for her to say? She's not clever enough to come up with a lie, and anyway, you're not supposed to lie to friends. Xion doesn't know much, but she knows that much. Friends tell friends everything.

After a moment of thinking about it some more, she adds, slowly:] Maybe other worlds would be okay. Even better.

[Roxas drawing had been a little more elaborate- he'd been a knight, except they'd been out of yellow crayons, so he just put brown hair instead. When the teacher told him he couldn't be that, he'd simply stared at her blankly. Of course he could be a knight; with a mighty sword and armor, too.]

[At least Xion had thought his drawing was good. He knew she wouldn't lie to him about something like that.]

When I go, come with me? We'll see all of them!

[Best friends share everything. And when he was a grown up, no one would try to pull down Xion's hood. They'd find a world with other people who wore hoods, all the time. Maybe he'd wear one, too.]

[When Xion saw what Roxas was drawing, she thought that maybe she should draw a princess, then, but that's silly. She knows she would wait for Roxas to come save her forever, but then they would always be apart. She could've drawn a knight herself, but the teacher told Roxas he couldn't be one, and if Roxas couldn't be a knight, then she couldn't be one, either.

She doesn't have Roxas' imagination.]

Of course. [Xion's tone says there is no other possible answer. She even sounds a little surprised that he has to ask. It's not like she's got anyone else to go with or anything she wants to be when she grows up.]

Edited 2011-12-20 13:13 (UTC)

[As far as Roxas sees it, Xion is already a knight. That's how they met in the first place; when it was storming, and the lights went out. The darkness had terrified him... but she sat with him until they came back on again. Even though it had taken days to speak to each other, afterwards, they'd been a constant to each other every since.]

Okay. [He smiles, relaxing a little and thinking about it. They'd have adventures... and Xion wouldn't leave. She'd be his best friend; they'd always belong somewhere.]

[Which meant they didn't have to belong here, right?]

[Storms aren't scary. She used to be scared of them, too, but she just isn't any more. She hasn't been since she came to the orphanage. Xion guessed that sometimes things just stopped being scary (like after seeing all of the red everywhere after the night full of shouting and screaming and loud noises, like seeing empty eyes that she knows so well and --), so she isn't scared of the dark, either. But when she saw Roxas huddled there behind the couch where he thought no one could see him shake... Something pulled her to him, then. Maybe because she's been there. Maybe because she likes hiding behind couches, too.

Roxas is smiling now, though, so everything's okay. It doesn't matter if she doesn't have anyone else, or if she doesn't know what she wants to be when she grows up, or if he's going to be scared of the dark forever. Because they'll be together, always, no matter what, and that's how it should be.

Something inside her stills (again). What if Roxas gets adopted? (In her mind, Xion will never be adopted. It isn't a possibility.) What if some grown-ups decide they like him too much and take him away from her? They won't want her, too, so she'll be left at the orphanage and then there won't be anyone to keep the other kids away or to give her a break or to share dessert with. She'll be all alone again. She doesn't want to be all alone again.]

Roxas, [she says, suddenly, desperately, her hand tightening on his] Roxas, why don't we go right now? Today? Just the two of us? No one would notice. There's too many people. We can just hide in them. And then -- And then, once we're free, we can go see all the worlds you want. It'll be great!

Edited 2011-12-20 13:39 (UTC)

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All I want for Christmas is...

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most adorable mental images I can't

/ruins everything ever

/sobs brokenly forever

/DAMN YOU

help i'm dying squirtle

your started it squirtle

oh god

lmfaolmfao

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"nature is so the same rain that draws you near me"