onepassingnight | [011 ☿] Silent Planet Mercury

Current Mood: anxious

Entry tags:

[011 ☿] Silent Planet Mercury

Unearthly quiet falls over everything. This place is empty and barren; nothing grows in its desolate grey soil. It's a void without atmosphere, but those who arrive here find themselves able breathe normally and withstand the incredible heat of planet Mercury's sun-turned side.

To the daughter of this planet, it's breathing the nostalgic air of thousands of years ago. Here, she is at her strongest and her best. She thrives in the sun that appears several times larger than it would on Earth, she basks in its intense rays despite the dark sky of space.

Without turning around, Mercury speaks with her eyes fixed on the sky. "Watch," she insists. She nods to where the sun travels towards its highest point - and stops for several long moments before beginning to unwind its arc backwards. It's a sight only seen here, and only now while it's been sped up enough to be observable.

Before she can say more, a second brightness flares so strongly that it almost overshadows anything else. Mercury suddenly lets out a pained whimper and shields her eyes from the holy light of Venus. She has that flesh-crawling feeling of a nightmare somehow.

(ooc: artist conceptions of Mercury sunrise. The effect described with the sun's path is due to Mercury's orbit and happens over the course of a Mercury day - about two months of our time.)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

He'll never know the pain of Nephrite looking her in the eye and asking her if it should bother him that children had been used in a plot by their enemies. She'd known, then, that they were all faltering blind.

Her, too.

Just like Nephrite, she may rage against those simple gestures and kindnesses, but she wants them, needs them, so much, the gentler touch of a hand that can mean so much more than so much else, that she's no longer used to. She's not even sure if she still silently hopes for someone to see through it or if she's given that up, too.

She longs for it even in the same moment she thrusts Cloud's hand away and tries to deny her need. It's the lack of these things that makes her hate the people blessed with them. Mercury stays silent a long moment.

It's the years of being treated as a monster, called one, that speak through her mouth. "Whatever happens here, you already know that I am."

You're better than this.
No, I'm not.

She pushes those words away. That person is nowhere, now, and she was right.

Edited 2011-10-19 05:25 (UTC)

He doesn't deny it with a knee-jerk reaction, a quick denial without thought. But his head shake is calm and there's no hesitation in it. He heard what she said and he's seen sides of her but he knows her in this at least.

He has faith in her.

"Ami," his voice is the same soft tone it always is and he ignores the pulse of pain that streaks up through his arm because she's more important. So much more important. He doesn't try to touch her again though. Too often the unwilling receiver himself, he will never force his touch on anyone else. She's the first person to ever deny his rare offer of it.

"I already know that you're not." He's not preaching. It's said with simple Cloud sincerity, quiet and level because it's the absolute truth to him. "I know that you're too strong for that." And, on a more personal level. "I know you're Ami. And that's not being a monster."

She's known it from the start. Years ago, before the Dark Kingdom, she had known she was simply bad inside, that something despicable lurked within her. The Dark Kingdom only showed her what that was, and set it free to become her face to the world.

Almost, she'd like to tell him: that one cold and cruel act leads to another and another and another so quickly that she's sure there's no redeeming it now, that even she has moments where she knows this has to stop but she has no way of stopping it and can only pray the crash happens soon to finally end it, that the true reason Usagi turns away from her and forgets her is that she can't be saved, that it's the same reason Cloud took back his hand and the same reason no one will ever consider her worth staying for:

She's not. She's a worthless creature of the darkness, and no more.

She doesn't tell him these things. She doesn't tell anyone these things. They lurk in the very back of her mind, rarely faced but always present. These thoughts belong to the girl, and she is the soldier.

"I'm Mercury."

As she speaks those words, some of the introspection melts away and she becomes more sure of herself.

"Whether you call that a monster or not."

"I don't." She can wear as many names as she wants, fragment herself into as many parts as she likes - Cloud's more than familiar with that process himself. There's a core in the middle of all the masks though and her's is one he trusts. He's about at the end of his endurance though and so he casually glances around until he finds a large enough rock to sit down on.

"You can call yourself any name you want, wear any set of armor you need to - I still trust you."

Settling down, he draws one leg up a little, foot finding a ridge on the rock, resting an arm across it to hide the way he cradles the other close to his stomach. His blue eyes find her.

"You'll do what's right, even if you're the only one in the whole world that will, even if it's next to impossible, simply because it's who you are."

She never knows what to do in the face of trust she doesn't feel she deserves, any more than the girl she used to be had felt right accepting Usagi calling her a kind person when she knew her thoughts were anything but that, or that person saying she could be better. It makes her feel pressured to become what they claim; she'd even once said she wanted to. It makes her feel she can't and that they simply don't see the parts of her that she thought were finally so obvious.

Where she had once worried about the inside part of her no one saw, and tried to hide it behind the good, now she knows: There is no good in her. She knows her motives, her thoughts, her intentions.

But the words touch something else, something she's not even sure she can name herself, and she finds herself echoing them. "Who I am?"

Herself through another's eyes. Who is the person he knows? Is it the same as the person she is inside, the person she looked for herself for so long? A part of her says it couldn't be.

"I'm..." but she hesitates even now, brushes the word away herself, no more need for the memories to be disrupted before they reach her mind.

"More importantly," she nods towards Cloud's arm, which a sharp and practiced doctor's eye has noticed he's favoring, "That."

He watches her face and he can sympathize. He's been someone else before himself. Done such a good job at it that he forgot it wasn't him. Except there was always a part of him that knew. That knew he was a lie. It had taken him being utterly shattered and reduced to nothing but a drooling body with a broken mind trapped inside to get him to the point where he could be put back together as who he really was.

Some days he regretted it.

Most days he was just glad that the voices in his head were all silent and that his body was his own to control. But he was very familiar with the 'who am I?' question and he knew that an outside answer wouldn't really be an answer at all. He'll help - dreams can't be that different than the Lifestream he got pieced back together in - but he won't force himself on her. Who you really are instead of who you tell yourself you are is kind of one of those things you've got to decide to tackle yourself. But he can be there for her if she does.

At least in this moment. He's running out of time. It's okay though. He'd be a clumsy assist anyway.

"You're you," he murmurs quietly. "And I'm glad you are."

Her mention of his arm though has him almost faking a look over his shoulder, to pretend he doesn't know what she's talking about. He stops himself at the last moment though because she's not stupid. His leg tucks up a bit more in front of him and he shrugs a shoulder. The bad one just to prove he can still move it, it's fine, thank you very much and - damn - that hurt.

"Maybe I fell asleep on it."

She's suspicious, but she lets it go. There's no reason someone should trust or rely on her to begin with, and she's learned not to expect it. Just how bad it truly is doesn't even cross her mind; she assumes it's some wound, some minor injury he'd stubbornly rather hide than receive treatment for. She spares him the doctor's lecture, this time.

"A tautology," she remarks on his answer. But despite the flawed logic, she sits nearby on another rock, and lets her legs dangle to reach the ground. She won't move on until he's ready to, too.

"There was water here before," she remarks. "This was even called the Water Planet." It explains a lot about Mercury herself.

His eyebrows lift a little at her term but he'll take her word for it. She's the doctor and apparently a tautology is a good enough excuse. He'll try to remember it.

Watching her settle though, his face relaxes a little and he gives a soft hum. He knows. She told him once - back when she was a princess. Lifting his head, he looks around and it's hard to imagine water here. He's got mixed feelings about his own planet but that doesn't mean he likes seeing it hurt. How much stronger - and harder - does this have to be for her? He looks back at her.

"Describe it to me?"

The tautology is the simple 'you are who you are', the self-referencing logic that can't quite be directly refuted but that doesn't hold up and gives no proof.

She decides to oblige him. It starts with yet another thing she now blames Usagi for, when back then it had been a source of pride: the Moon Kingdom had chosen her, she was desired by the royal house of the Silver Millenium itself, something that would make her parents proud.

"I don't remember this planet well. When I was young (http://7.p.s.mfcdn.net/store/manga/203/15-001.0/compressed/smile_2_5_016_sailor_moon.jpg), I left it for the Moon. I grew up there at the Moon Castle as a senshi."

This, she now knows, is a part of the answer to her identity. She cannot deny the former ties to the girls she turned against. And yet the princess she gave up home, family, and kingdom for, never once gave a thought to this place.

She gathers a breath. "However, I'll tell you what I know, if you want." Ask for it. Want to know her.

Edited 2011-10-23 12:50 (UTC)

He settles in and the chance to rest eases the headache a little bit. He looks over at the young woman sitting next to him and with simple Cloud sincerity says:

"I'd like that."

Her memories of the past are clearer than they should have normally been, after her time in Econtra bringing so many of them back.

"When I said we weren't far from the Caloris Basin, I remember that was where the castle was." She lets the conjure up the picture of a time when this place was built up, when it was inhabited.

"This kingdom was responsible for the advanced technology used back then." A discontent inner voice tells her it should never have been shared with the others. Though there is one thing she recalls that perhaps, perhaps she would not take back. "That was used to help the people of Earth evolve and grow more quickly than they would have been able to otherwise."

It's an old, old story: the gods giving secret knowledge to help humans. It's a story based on truth, in her world.

He's not really interested in the history or achievements of her planet. He understands that they're important and things she can be proud of - but they don't tell him anything about what she loved here or what was precious to her. If asked about his own home, he could name his favorite stream, tell you where the flowers grew best and what time of the night to listen at a certain window to hear piano music. It would have taken him a lot longer to remember enough history to point out ShinRa manor or talk about the time before the mako reactor. He thinks talking about achievements is easy for Ami though because it exposes less of her heart. And he doesn't think she does it just with her planet. He wants to see this planet through her eyes though, to appreciate what was once here and feel sadness over it's loss and so he asks:

"Did you have a favorite spot here?"

She gives him a blank look, just for a second before she recovers herself. Before she remembers herself. It's so much easier to boast of her kingdom, and so much harder to talk about her.

"When I was very young," she finally says, unusually hesitant for these days, "I remember the sound of a lyre."

The sound, she says, as if the memory is no more distinct than that. She isn't sure she could even say who was playing it that time. Small wonder she uses it even now, though like everything else about her core self, it's become twisted and corrupted by the dark rhapsodies she plays now.

He makes a soft sound in answer, absorbs the information in silence. Finally, just as quietly, he murmurs:

"When I was a little kid, the girl next door used to practice her piano at the same time every night. I used to hide in the shadows against that side of my house and listen to it through her window.... It always made me feel better."

His eyes lift back to Ami's. "What else do you remember?"

A memory for a memory; it's a fair exchange. But she'd been telling the truth when she said her memories of this planet were very hazy. She'd been so very young.

"I remember my mother was here." That had been the hard part, for such a devoted girl: to leave behind this family. She'd spent quite awhile trying to put a brave face on it.

Ami's mentioned her mother in this life several times and her devotion to her is obvious. He suspects it's a trait that didn't fade between lifetimes. Sitting and listening to her talk has been good for his headache. Voice low, he prompts: "What was she like?"

Mama will never know just what Ami has done for her. She isn't sure how Mama would look at her if she knew innocents had been attacked and drained of their energy to keep Mama alive.

It doesn't matter. What matters is that Mama is still there. And in the past life, her mother back then... Of course she had been... had wanted to...

"I wanted to make my family and House proud of me." It doesn't quite truly answer what she was like.

It's a dodge. It makes him wonder about her mother. He knows she adores her current one. He adored his own mother with all the determined love of an only child with a widowed parent, them against the whole village. But not all moms are the same, even if you love them and it makes him wonder about the one that once lived here.

"That's a lot of responsibility. Especially for a kid."

"I was a responsible child." There's a trace of humor, but also a trace of genuine pride at something ~~and one of so very few things, the only things~~ done well. He's met her as a child; he knows the words to be true.

How else should she have grown up? In the past, she was sent away from her very country so young. In this life, she had to grow up quickly to be able to take care of herself in a busy mother's absence.

It makes just the edges of his lips twitch upward and his chin ducks as he makes a soft sound in his throat of amusement.

"I know. I met you. In a dream. You were playing in puddles." His eyes come back up to meet hers. "So I guess you haven't changed much."

She frowns, and quotes Beryl despite hating the so-called queen and resenting so many of her words. "None of us are exactly as we were."

"The similarities are thin." She won't acknowledge herself as that girl who might have grown up to be good and pure and kind, who might have had a happy life as a doctor with friends supporting her from across the world.

She doesn't believe in that future. That girl was incapable of handling what was coming.

But she gives Cloud this, this one tiny admission: "However, I remember the dream."

Edited 2011-11-03 04:11 (UTC)

He makes a noise and ducks his head again.

"Did you ever learn how to dance the right way?"

Is he teasing her?

"I can dance." She says it with just the slightest note of defensiveness. It's the closest to giving the benefit of the doubt she can do.

"I dance sometimes now." At occasions that call for it, where she need to do it to fit in.

"Just wanted to make sure my lessons hadn't ruined things."

He stands up, determined and ignored the way the blood rushes to his head and pounds behind his eyes.

"Will you show me where your city used to be?"

my apologies for the million edits. it's an illness. T_T XD

the edit key is a thing of beauty

no subject

no subject

[1/2]

[2/2]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject