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onepassingnight2011-10-05 11:13 am
dualstance.livejournal.com) wrote in onepassingnight2011-10-05 11:13 am
Entry tags:
oo1｡ watching, waiting for something
[ A city seemingly consumed by shadows, sparse light only provided from empty buildings and the occasional street lamp, unless one counts the neon lights that line some of the edges of said empty buildings. There are some piles of rubble, blocking a number of the streets and the only way around them is through the alleyways that contain even darker shadows that than the whole city itself. The sole reason for the shadows overtaking the city- a bright moon in the shape of a heart lighting the sky, partially blocked by a towering skyscraper that seems to be in the center of the city, shining like some sort of beacon for all to head towards.
And at the base of it stands a lone person dressed in a black coat with their hood drawn, not moving for the moment.
Perhaps the reason for said coat is the block out the rain that's falling, a harsh wind blowing once in awhile in tandem with the thoughts going through said person's mind. Or perhaps it holds another purpose. Whatever the reason, he doesn't seem to be moving from his spot anytime soon, gaze turned upward to the sky and possibly looking at the heart shaped moon. Or maybe the castle that can be barely seen at this vantage point.
But if one could see into his thoughts, questions whirl in almost chaos, unrest there as he tries to piece a puzzle together despite all the pieces not being there. Fragments are missing and he can only do so much before needing to go off and find the rest of them. But will this place offer said answers?
Why?
What's going on?
How did it get to be like this?
Where's Sora?
He doesn't know but he's hoping that it will.
Because he's tired of not knowing, of being left in the dark. He wants to know and he won't stop until he figures everything out.
First step is always the hardest though. ]
And at the base of it stands a lone person dressed in a black coat with their hood drawn, not moving for the moment.
Perhaps the reason for said coat is the block out the rain that's falling, a harsh wind blowing once in awhile in tandem with the thoughts going through said person's mind. Or perhaps it holds another purpose. Whatever the reason, he doesn't seem to be moving from his spot anytime soon, gaze turned upward to the sky and possibly looking at the heart shaped moon. Or maybe the castle that can be barely seen at this vantage point.
But if one could see into his thoughts, questions whirl in almost chaos, unrest there as he tries to piece a puzzle together despite all the pieces not being there. Fragments are missing and he can only do so much before needing to go off and find the rest of them. But will this place offer said answers?
Why?
What's going on?
How did it get to be like this?
He doesn't know but he's hoping that it will.
Because he's tired of not knowing, of being left in the dark. He wants to know and he won't stop until he figures everything out.
First step is always the hardest though. ]
no subject
[More than a few of them have been surprising, shocking, even. Facing him with reactions and emotions that he never knew before, teaching him of what life could be with the emotions of Sora's heart easily reflected upon him, building him into the person he is now. It's been half a year, and Roxas can say quite confidently that he's come into his own person far more then he'd once been, simply an angry shell full of questions with no answers, a fact he hadn't even been capable of comprehending at the time.]
[He knows better now. Watching himself stand in the rain, blond hair darkening and dripping with moisture as he simply stands and thinks, the one question that's on his mind now is-- what is he up against this time?]
It's not going to stop if you wait for it.
The rain.
1/2
He doesn't think much of it, when he hears the voice speaking to him, not at first, thinking it some figment of his imagination. A voice speaking through his inner turmoil, as it sounds so much like his own. Whatever it is, it pierces through the chaos of his mind, the rains calming slightly because of it. ]
That's not what I'm-
[ As he talks, he turns his head to look over his should, words cutting off at what he sees... ]
because I can never NOT tl;dr at you
Because right there, is him. Or at least someone that looks like him. Exactly like him.
Blue eyes widen under the hood, the shadows hiding any features that could have potentially been seen, the only thing decipherable may be the blond hair poking out from the hood. His expression, one of confusion and shock, easily hidden away for no one to see or even know about but him. He's been surprised and shocked too many times to count on one hand within the last few days, this shouldn't have been anything particularly large. But it is, it tops just about everything else he's experienced, learned or remembered.
Hands clench, thoughts whirling even more and the rain reflecting that, becoming harsher as more confusing questions form in his mind. Most prominent being what could possibly be going on now, what did that old man do after he so reluctantly decided to abide by what he wanted.
Just what is going on?!
He refrains from doing anything too rash too soon, voice harder now that he's not sure just what it is he's dealing with. There are already so many questions he hasn't managed to get answered, he doesn't need any more to add on to them. Not right now. ]
Who are you?
ohohoho-- it's a shared sentiment
[In contrast, Roxas keeps his frame loose, casual. The cloak is a part of his past now, his reliance and dependence on it for movement halted with the introduction of the gummi ship, and Sora.]
[Which side of him...is he facing now?]
If it helps, you're not going crazy. [A pitiful offering, but he has to say something.] You're dreaming. So am I.
[The subconscious around him is similar, but foreign.]
We're not exactly the same person.
[He supposed this was bound to happen eventually. He's met Sora and Sora, after all. Ventus after Ventus; Riku after Riku. He wasn't exempt from different universes and timelines, either.]
[But it still feels so odd, to stand here and look at himself. Is he really that thin? That gaunt faced? Has he ever really looked that desperate?]
[Apparently so. The rain is just so heavy--]
You're upset.
no subject
[ Words said in such a deadpan voice, it borders on non-believing, which in his circumstance would be understandable. Considering that he'd been told that everything he knows is a lie and told the truth of, he's just not sure what to believe because what he knows is the truth for him despite everything. Despite facing his truth before suddenly appearing here.
That feeling of being lost, standing alone in the darkness, he always didn't like it.
But standing here in front of someone who looks like him, sounds like him, and yet so different than him certainly seems like a dream. Because he doesn't know if he's ever looked like this person does, brighter and light, as if he didn't have the weight that he carries on his own shoulders. The weight of being the one to cease to exist for someone else. It's not exactly a sacrifice if it's done with reluctance, is it.
His stance remains tense as he gauges what the other has said, rain still coming down harshly with the occasional howl of wind to accompany it. He can't just trust what someone else says now, especially not someone who looks like him, could possibly be him in some kind of form. But what else is there to believe now? ]
Then tell me, how can I just take what you say to be true?
[ Just give him one reason, one solid reason that will tell him that this isn't some crazy plot to get him ready for what should have already happened. ]
no subject
[He quirks a brow at himself, wondering. They must've been exactly the same at some point-- but which point? Or was this like Riku, where they were the same but entirely not the same, completely different in everything but face?]
[Talking to himself was going to turn into one huge headache; shouldn't he be used to this by now? He talks to Sora everyday. But then, Sora isn't him. Sora doesn't ask a multitude of questions, doesn't feel the need to know everything on the table, and more. Doesn't get frustrated by the questions that go unanswered, or gain an unsatisfactory result. He knows himself, and he knows the answer he wants to give, right now.]
I'm not going to say anything to convince you. After everything we've been through, I think you deserve the choice.
[It's only fair.]
But maybe we could get out of the rain.
no subject
[ Maybe before he'd have gone along with those images being just dreams, when he didn't know any better or hadn't been told of anything. Just continuing on living an innocent, normal life, never mind that it'd been fake. A simulated world of happiness where all he had to worry about were the school assignments and spending time with his friends while avoiding any run-ins with Seifer and his gang.
Before when dreams are dreams and anything is possible, no limits to the imagination.
But now he knows that those dreams weren't really dreams, that they are really flashbacks of memories that aren't even his. Scenes of a life and adventure that he would have liked to have gone himself but thought he wouldn't be able to. It'd been a dream, right? Finding out that they'd been real, had really happened to someone brought nothing but confusion. Finding out that they belonged to someone who is his other half and that he's not meant to exist brought anger (and denial).
His life is still his own though, the scattered memories that have returned to him- are still returning, albeit slowly -they're his. And that should be proof enough that he's not some shell of an existence. He's lived and the memories are testament to that.
That didn't mean he doesn't want to know the answers to his questions.
At the mention of the rain, he hadn't even realized it until now, so lost in his own thoughts. But the slight distraction gives way to a lull, water only pattering now instead of pouring down on the city they stand in. Even if he wants to, where would they go? ]
It's fine here. [ A delay in saying what he should, what he wants. ]
.. I want to know. Everything.
no subject
[It takes a long time before they have dreams of their own, dreams that aren't just reflections and worries and base elements. Roxas thinks back to the very first dream he knew was just his own- a plain white room, with Sora's memories playing upon the walls. The only real thing that had been his own was a simple, black diary.]
[He had the sinking suspicion that this Roxas wasn't doing much better, right now. They'd never really had a support for...anything. So he would support himself.]
I know. But there's not a lot of answers to our questions.
[He raises a hand to his chin, thinking on it.]
If anything...I think I have more questions now than I did back then. Only one thing's really changed.
no subject
Confusion is one thing that Roxas is starting to really dislike, with all these questions and vague answers that keep being given to him. Why couldn't everything just have a straight answer? Wouldn't that be the easiest way to deal with all this? Maybe then he wouldn't have-
It doesn't matter. Not any more.
Seems like no matter what, things would never make sense and a part of him knows that he needs to accept this, despite not wanting to. There will always be things that will confuse and answers will never always be there. He's never learned patience but it seems like he'll have to this time. It's going to be one of the hardest lessons he'll have to endure and if he can't, well. Things may not end so prettily.
He takes in his, what. Alternate self? Yes, because though they look alike, there are some differences too. ]
And what's that.
[ Because he's seeing a lot has changed. Something obviously went well for this Roxas while it'd been the opposite for him. It's almost unfair. ]
no subject
[He speaks it calmly, that one word, one name which means a myriad of things. Death, loss, agony, change, endings. He can't even begin to think what sort of effect it would have on the self he's facing down now, but it's certain it won't be the same reaction as himself.]
Everything's always started and ended with him, hasn't it? [And there has always been that question of why.]
[Why was Sora so important? Why could Sora do things that he couldn't? Why was Sora so much more important to everyone? Why couldn't anyone look at him and just see Roxas?]
He's even more clueless than we are. And if we were really meant to disappear...I wouldn't be talking to you.
[He looks around at the barren space, wondering if it was really worthwhile for him to still exist, at least when he'd been in this state.]
You're here. And you have the chance to help him. To help him find the answers we want.
You just need to take the chance.
no subject
Maybe it's because all this time, he's been searching for his Other and hoping that the answers would be there when he finally finds him. How long has it been since he decided to search him out, defecting from the Organization just for this purpose alone, leaving his friends. And his leaving only ends up with more questions and the answers he did get were vague at best, answers he didn't understand in the least. What had been the point in leaving if he couldn't even find what he wanted?
Only one good thing had been taken out of leaving- he isn't a puppet for the Organization anymore, and with his supposed return with Sora there's no way he could ever get taken back.
But now, what is he supposed to do here. There isn't anything else left for him besides the unending questions that continue to whirl around in his mind. His deed has been done, there's no more use for him besides that. ]
It's always about him.
[ Everything he's done, everything that he is, revolves around his Somebody. And admittedly, if it weren't for Sora, he wouldn't even exist but it's also because of Sora that he can't exist anymore. A vicious cycle that will just continue to go on. ]
Just how am I supposed to help him find the answers? If I can't find them myself, how can he.
[ If Sora doesn't have any of the answers, then what are the chances of them finding them "together" like this Roxas is suggesting to do.
He's always done things by himself, something that the Organization seems to ingrain indirectly with all the solo missions. And when they did partner up, it didn't really work out as a partnership. The only exception had been Axel since the redhead is his best friend.
And here, to take the chance to help find the answers, it just doesn't sit well with him. ]