onepassingnight | 001 // icing on the cake

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001 // icing on the cake

[They say that home is where the heart is, right? Appropriate then that one searching for a heart would end up dreaming of the place he had felt most at home.

You'll find yourself on the steps of a clocktower, mere metres away from the perfect place to sit and enjoy the view. The sunset's as beautiful as it always is in this place, the weather perfect and the atmosphere one of comfortable familiarity.

However, your seat is already occupied- a young man in a black coat sits at the edge of the tower, feet dangling. There's an ice cream bar in one of his hands and the other is splayed out against the bricks, holding him up as he leans back slightly, taking it all in.

You gonna join him? He is waiting for someone- after all, this is where they always meet after missions. Why should today be any different?]

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[It didn't feel like the lie Axel wished it was.

It takes him a long time to answer, smile fixed on his face as he watches the setting sun.]

You met him, huh?

[At first it seems as though the sky above them has darkened slightly, but that's not possible. Not in this place. No, instead it's the colour that's being slowly sucked away.

It's almost like something horrible is creeping it's way into the dream, slithering in through the cracks Roxas was chipping away at.

It makes Axel want to shudder, but he keeps smiling.]

[Axel's expression is eerie. Roxas wasn't expecting it to hold this long, wasn't expecting this facade to be this strong.]

[He knows he's getting somewhere, though. Must be getting somewhere, since the sky is... turning ominous, the color leeching out of the horizon, the town, even as Roxas glances over at it.]

I met him. I've left the Organization.

I left you.

[There's a sharp tug in his chest, and Roxas has to wonder if he would've been capable of going out on his own, if he'd feeling back then as he did now. Abandoning his best friend...]

I left you, Axel. I found Sora.

This is just a dream.

[Axel ducks his head, hair sweeping forward to cover his eyes. His hands are folded comfortably on his lap, back hunched ever so slightly as he leans forward. Something about his stance makes him look rather relaxed, even if his face is not visible.]

So that's it, then? A dream? Huh.

[But before Roxas can reply, Axel's speaking once more, voice harsh and grating. The words practically burn with an accusation of some kind- even if it's not the one he puts into speech.]

Yanno Roxas... it's really not nice to lie to your best friend.

[Upon his last words, the clocktower behind them begins to chime loudly-and with nothing more than that for a warning, the colour of the town below them is being vacuumed up far more quickly then before. Black and white spreads across the buildings, making them look like something out of an old cartoon. Before very long, the clocktower itself is going to be consumed and it's final chimes, pleas for help, will stop.

Axel doesn't seem to notice, still sitting exactly where he was before. Only now, his hands have moved to tightly grip the edge of the clocktower as he looks down over it, mind in turmoil.

If this was a dream, then all he had to do to wake up and avoid acknowledging this place for what it really was, was... was jump. And then maybe he could come back here sometime. Maybe he could come back, and Roxas would be here, and they could have fun and eat ice cream together, instead of this. He shifts forward a bare inch.

And if it wasn't a dream? Well... what did he have to lose, really? Wasn't like anyone would miss him. And he'd have plenty of time to learn how to not miss them.]

Stop it.

[Roxas' voice is firm, face set into a small scowl- berating Axel, even though it feels like his non-existent heart is pounding. Sending a riot of adrenalin through his system, throbbing under his skin and making it hard to simply sit here and do nothing.]

It happened Axel. It all happened.

And you know it too.

[Everything is so harsh and grey, so ready to crack and shatter, and Roxas is hurting. Hurting for Axel, for their friendship which is currently so on the rocks, so ready to break completely.]

[This isn't the Axel he last saw. Not the one who stared at him with hopeless eyes, who uttered defeated words and disappeared into the darkness, to leave Roxas to his fate. This Axel is so violently angry, even if it doesn't appear that way. So angry and irrational, and Roxas leans over, gripping his arm tightly just to keep him there, keep them together.]

You said we'd meet in the next life. Well, we're here now. Stop running from reality and look at me.

It's not- it didn't happen! You're lying, Roxas, you-

[But he's not. Axel knows it. This place is as fake as the hand holding him here to face the truth is real; it's a mirror of the reality he wishes he had. Even as his own fingers curl tighter around the edge of the clocktower, Axel feels that last bit of resistance snap, feels himself give in.]

Damn it!

[The wave freezes against the base of the clocktower, then cracks and shatters. Shards of black and white snap off and whither away into nothing, like a candy coating being chewed off and melted on somebody's hungry tongue.

It's not Twilight Town underneath their feet anymore, or even a wide open sky above their heads. It's a pathway (http://i1142.photobucket.com/albums/n602/TrillianXx/pic1kh.png) between worlds (http://i1142.photobucket.com/albums/n602/TrillianXx/khpic2.png), and the clocktower sits smackbang in the middle of it.]

[Axel's mouth feels dry. His voice is hoarse, and shaking ever so slightly with emotion he shouldn't have. He doesn’t seem to notice.]

You left-

[He's admitting the truth to himself more than he's informing Roxas. And that's what matters. More quietly-]

And I died.

[But then, Roxas is also wrong. It's not his next life. It's some kind of twisted afterlife and Axel doesn't know if he was meant to stop running yet. Now that he’s stopped running... does that mean he doesn't get to come back here?]

Edited 2011-09-25 22:50 (UTC)

[If he had a heart, if Sora was right here-- it would stop.]

[Break clean in two, to fit the devastation on Roxas face.]

You...

But--you were-- but it was--

[No.

No no no no no NO!]

[The skies bleed with cracks, light and darkness and emotions that he shouldn't have but can feel, clear as day. He'd expected-- what else had he expected? That everything would be okay, fine and dandy just because he was gone? That Axel would just forget and get on with his job, no regrets, no haunting thoughts?]

[He had. He really, really had.]

[It was so unfair, so unfair in so many ways. Roxas was whole again! He was WHOLE, but life just had to take that and RIP IT through the SEAMS, like he just wasn't meant to be, to be--]

[Be okay. It was never meant to be okay.]

[It wasn't.]

Edited 2011-09-26 11:23 (UTC)

[He can't breathe. He can't move, arms wrapped around his stomach, hand clutching at where his heart should be, head bowed. Around them, everything simply stops, and falls away.]

[They're surrounded by white. Soft, endless white flickering with portraits of Sora's life, and he's...he's back here, he's back here again. In a small, white room, curled up on the floor with a shredded, black book at his side, surrounded by Sora and absolutely nothing of himself. Even Axel doesn't exist anymore, slumped across the floor next to him as he is.]

Edited 2011-09-26 11:23 (UTC)

[Roxas curls up on the floor, clutching his chest and hiding his face.]

[And doesn't get up.]

[Axel had long lost control of the dream. His thoughts and illusions were spiralling out of control, making it no surprise that they gave way to Roxas' so easily. But it is a surprise to Axel.

More important than his foreign surroundings though, is Roxas.

Roxas, who's grip on him first slackened, then disappeared entirely, lays still and quiet next to him, and it scares Axel. Scares him so bad he begins to wish he could take it all back.

He should have admitted the dream wasn't real from the start. He should have kept his death a secret. He shouldn't be here right now, rushing to kneel beside his best friend, afraid of picking him up because he looks so breakable.]

Roxas?

[He doesn't know how to deal with this. He doesn't know what to do, he can't deal with this- hell, he doesn't know how to deal with his own problems- and his mind is still a complete and utter mess.

He shouldn't be able to feel, Axel knows that. But it's always been different with Roxas. Like leaning against a heater and walking away with a warm glow for a little while, he picked something up from that kid. Picked up emotions, borrowed them, or something- he didn't understand it and he doubted he ever fully would.]

Damn it, Roxas-

[He was doing it again. Even now.]

[He's careful, gentle, scooping the boy up into his arms and shaking him a little, all senses on edge as he waits for a reaction.]

C'mon. Wake up.

[Shake shake.]

C'mon.

[...Nothing.]

[And all of a sudden, it's like a dam breaking.

He's angry, so so angry that Roxas gets to do this, gets to react this way, when he's the one who died. He's the one who got left behind.

It's not fair, and he pulls back one hand from Roxas to run it through his hair and tear at the roots, growling frustratedly. It echoes back at him.]

Wake up!

[...And then guilt. Roxas left, but-

He's his best friend.

His best friend. That hasn't changed. Even if he kind of wishes it had- he still cares about this person he's holding onto.

Axel hangs his head, breathing heavily. He just wants things to be whole. For both of them. He wants another chance, he wants to live, he wants Roxas to wake up, so that they can fix this.]

[But he doesn't know what else to do.

So he waits. He counts the seconds, eyes on the still figure in his arms.]

[He misses the dream he was in, misses when he and Axel were friends. He liked it better when Axel was part of the organization and he was the hero, but things were still okay between them. Things were still simple. He wishes it hadn't faded or sent him into the abyss like a punishment. It gave him peace and then took away just as easy.]

[And so he's now falling. The darkness is suffocating, even if he's getting enough oxygen into his lungs. His attention is stolen by a voice.]

[Wake up.]

[Whoever it is, it sounds gentle at first. Encouraging, as Sora's fall slows. The dream reorients him, like gentle hands have reached out and set him upright. He knows he must be close to the ground, because he's moving at a snail's pace, lofting more than falling. And his descent is so very calm, and so very quiet.]

[Wake up.]

[The voice gets louder, more heated. But he can't quite hear it, like it's muffled. Someone on other side of the glass. His feet finally touch down softly.He inhales, shoulders lax. Heart at peace.]

[Then suddenly, without warning, his world, the very darkness cracks in half, splintering into a thousand pieces as Sora's thrown violently in a new dream. Axel is there, and so is Roxas, and something is wrong, but he can't see for a few moments because his vision's gone all white- it hurts]

[He's screaming. It's not the glass that broke, it's something inside - Roxas - that's been shattered and it's on the ground in pieces - Roxas -and it hurts. It hurts so bad, it's broken, it's broken, No, no no no no- Roxas!]

[Roxas stays oh so still and quiet in Axel's arms, refusing to acknowledge that he's even there at all. He doesn't want to be. He doesn't want Axel to be here, either. More than anything, he wants to stay here alone and wake up to find out it really just was his mind making up things-- or to not wake up at all.]

[Not responding to words, or gentle shakes. He just-- it's--]

[It hurts.]

[And then Sora's screaming, and Roxas practically catapults out of Axel's arms, flinging himself around Sora, gritting his teeth and hiding his Other's face in his shoulder just to muffle the sound, even when it can't muffle the shockwaves rushing between them, a cataclysm of pain and hurt-- why why why.]

Sora no, stoppit. Sora, we've--

[He swallows harshly, his throat is so thick with all the tears running down his face, he can't find his voice. He tries again, and again, before simply sitting on the ground with Sora pulled down next to him, leaning against the other heavily. Sharing in the pain and sorrow and fear, fear that it isn't okay.]

[That it can't quite be for a long time.]

[Someone's embraced Sora but it still feels like a sword's being driven into his chest, like someone's twisting it just because they can. But even if it's all shattered, the pieces are there. They're lying at his feet, and they're broken. But none of them have gone missing.

[And Roxas is there, he's got his arms around Sora, and something is wrong with him. But at least he's here now, with hi other. He realizes as Roxas' voice speaks into his ear, as buries Sora's face in his shoulder, that Roxas is the one who's feeling all of this. He's feeling so much of it it's just broken loose and flooded their connection. Dragged him from a place of solace to here where it's all wrong, so he can share the burden.]

[And even if he's never felt anything so painful in his life, his arms shakily reach up and around Roxas, clutching at his coat and pulling him as close as he possibly can.]

[Somewhere in the awful sea of pain, there's a tiny voice that says that Roxas is really, really sad. And he's desperate to fix it. Even if he can't.]

[It's a very small comfort, having Sora this close. His Other, and he's already given up...everything for him. The chance at an individual existence, his pride in his own person, in existing on his own. So much has been sacrificed, and he's just so...]

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

[Even his best friend died, to make this work. And Roxas has to wonder just how much more he actually has left to give before this is all completely and utterly worthless to him, until his existence isn't worth it at all.]

A-Axel...

001 // icing on the cake

... so much for best buddies. Buddy ole pal. B|

Totally bestest buddies forever, ole buddy ole pal 83

........................../slidesin 1/2, prepare for tl;dr OTL

you've lost all pal calling rights 8[

B-but pal, budski-- D8

...Don't even gimme that face, former broseidon ;n; 1/2

2/2

I hope you're happy now 1/?

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1/2

1/3 i lied 8V

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1/2 /Quits this shit 8|

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i am not even ashamed of tl;dr at this point