second stake.

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

[Buffy is sitting on an unweildy tower, looking out over the edge. This is where she died, and where Dawn almost had. It's a cloudy day and she wishes the rain would just fall and get it over with instead of taunting her with its heavy cumulus. She knows, logically, she could probably make the Sun come out, or even make the rain come, if it was what she wanted-- but she's sick of being in control. She wants the world back with its unpredictable and even sometimes cruel ways. She wants the real Earth beneath her and the real sky over her and all the messed up stuff in between. She wants to feel love and hate and trust and hurt. She wants her life back.

But she doesn't, all the same. Spike, her mom's death, Dawn.... So many things held a giant question mark, and things were good here. Great, even. She could be with Angel without fear, and she had made friends she could visit whenever she wanted. The only question she had left at the end of her long think-y process was simply, Was it more selfish to stay, or to go?]

Just go away. Get your own tower of feel-bad. [she murmurs when you approach, curling around herself.]

Comments

[hasasoul.livejournal.com]

It is. I don't think anybody really knows. [hey wait ... ] So I guess it was stupid of me to ask.

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

If nobody knows... then how am I supposed to know-- you know. What to know?

[That gives her pause and she looks up a little, shaking her head.] Not stupid. Not even remotely stupid-like.

[hasasoul.livejournal.com]

Life is ... worth living. [/deep thoughts from angel.] I'd give anything to be human again, so. Maybe that means something. It's life-ish. I don't know.

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

We both came back once. Shouldn't there be a quota?

[hasasoul.livejournal.com]

I wonder if there's a recordbook we can look into.

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

You think they have one? That would make things a lot easier.

[hasasoul.livejournal.com]

I think record books for most things would be a lot easier.

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

Or an easy go-to guide for what to do with ishy feelings once you go ... dead.

[hasasoul.livejournal.com]

You know, I'm pretty sure I've seen that book before.

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

And you never told me? [pout to end all pouts.] To think, all the time I could've saved not being really conflicted.

[hasasoul.livejournal.com]

I never actually read it.

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

No, you wouldn't. [This metaphor is getting away from her all too fast.] Then you couldn't brood quite so effectively.

[hasasoul.livejournal.com]

Wouldn't want anyone else taking the medal I earned for that.

[slayerpreferred.livejournal.com]

Don't worry, your title's safe. It's really more of a lifetime achievement sort of thing.