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onepassingnight2013-01-27 07:28 am
forhiscause) wrote in onepassingnight2013-01-27 07:28 am
Entry tags:
✹ 001 ✹ systems overload
Living in John's helmet wasn't always a bad thing. He knew how to take care of a girl, how to make her feel special. If she could choose a place out of all the locations she was consciously aware of(and for an A.I. those were many) she was sure that there was no other safer place than that little slot in the back of his head. She felt close to him when they were together, it was the most optimal way to securely ensure she was aiding him in everything he could possibly need.
When she wasn't analyzing enemy comm-links or checking his vitals, she was watching. Being an A.I. definitely had it's cons but what she lost with her inability to touch, she gained with her ability to see. Everything John had ever lived she had shared and sometimes she wondered what was beyond her confinements.
Perhaps it was why her dream had manifested into a world of color and sky. Despite the danger they always seemed to be in, these new worlds they explored were majestic. Chief had gone through jungles, mountains, flat lands, and he never stopped to watch. But she had, she remembered the way the jungles were stiffed with heat, how she had to overwork his armor to keep him in adequate homeostasis or how wind would blow and make all those leaves dance and shimmer in the sunlight. Cortana heaved a sigh as the wind seemed to pick up, some invisible force pushing her off her center and she stumbled forward blue locks coming over her eyes as she brought a hand up to brush them away in shock.
"What are you doing, Cortana." She could feel and for a girl who had never felt any sensation, this was very overwhelming. There was no control, she couldn't stop the wind even if she tried. She was exposed. "Look at you. Over thinking again. Analyzing all those definitions and descriptions and this is what you accomplish?" But why not? After all they've been through, "After everything I've suffered-"
"Stop. Just stop thinking."
The wind wasn't stopping, truth be told, she wasn't sure she liked it. It was pushing her, she could feel it. Her logic told her that this was caused by millions and millions of atoms that were pressing against her nude form and she couldn't do anything but grip her head and keep the voices under control. She had to stop thinking but it was useless and this overwhelming sensation was making her anxious.
"I-I can't...." Her voice quivered responding to her own voices as she dares lift up her eyes only to have the wind blow against them. She gives a shocked gasped as her hands came up to cover her face.
"S-stop it, Cortana!" Because clearly, this is all in her head and she's torturing herself.
When she wasn't analyzing enemy comm-links or checking his vitals, she was watching. Being an A.I. definitely had it's cons but what she lost with her inability to touch, she gained with her ability to see. Everything John had ever lived she had shared and sometimes she wondered what was beyond her confinements.
Perhaps it was why her dream had manifested into a world of color and sky. Despite the danger they always seemed to be in, these new worlds they explored were majestic. Chief had gone through jungles, mountains, flat lands, and he never stopped to watch. But she had, she remembered the way the jungles were stiffed with heat, how she had to overwork his armor to keep him in adequate homeostasis or how wind would blow and make all those leaves dance and shimmer in the sunlight. Cortana heaved a sigh as the wind seemed to pick up, some invisible force pushing her off her center and she stumbled forward blue locks coming over her eyes as she brought a hand up to brush them away in shock.
"What are you doing, Cortana." She could feel and for a girl who had never felt any sensation, this was very overwhelming. There was no control, she couldn't stop the wind even if she tried. She was exposed. "Look at you. Over thinking again. Analyzing all those definitions and descriptions and this is what you accomplish?" But why not? After all they've been through, "After everything I've suffered-"
"Stop. Just stop thinking."
The wind wasn't stopping, truth be told, she wasn't sure she liked it. It was pushing her, she could feel it. Her logic told her that this was caused by millions and millions of atoms that were pressing against her nude form and she couldn't do anything but grip her head and keep the voices under control. She had to stop thinking but it was useless and this overwhelming sensation was making her anxious.
"I-I can't...." Her voice quivered responding to her own voices as she dares lift up her eyes only to have the wind blow against them. She gives a shocked gasped as her hands came up to cover her face.
"S-stop it, Cortana!" Because clearly, this is all in her head and she's torturing herself.
no subject
Simple exchange of information was easier - much easier. While Kunzite would have agreed with Cortana, and made heavy-handed efforts to drain that emotionality from his senshi, the senshi considered that defeating the enemy was enough. She was a soldier, for good or ill, by her deeds on the battlefield.
"If it's you," she added, though she disliked acknowledging Cortana's capabilities, "you should understand it right away."
no subject
Cortana was a machine regardless of how her personality and her behavior could prove otherwise. Her process's were rational and depended on logic. When there was a missing variable to an equation, Cortana couldn't continue the process. Sure, she was able to regroup her sources and find an interchanging loop to get around her missing variable and continue the process, but when it was something both outdated and unproven, she met her limit. Trying to test an unproven theory was like trying to find a way to divide by zero; the process was just a big blank DNE (does not exist).
"I understand both Einstein and Hawking weren't even sure what their hypothesis meant or whether or not it was true, that's why it's not a true theory. They couldn't prove it and as much as we've discovered more rationality to help, there's no way I could possibly prove that what you say was true. If you want a rational explanation then it's a lot easier to prove that you don't exist rather than you claiming to somehow finding a way to travel through dimensions without burning to a crisp."
no subject
She was more interested in the dream itself anyway. "A moment ago we were somewhere else," she reiterated. "Where was that?" And how does it relate to John? Because this ship... did not look in good enough condition to maintain him for long. There may have been something else they should have been doing.
no subject
"It was halo ring. Some memory of a random excursion the chief and I shared." Regardless of how uncomfortable this was, she knew that they had been somewhere different. It was a memory though, Ami hadn't been there. Or had she? "How did you see it if it was in my head?"
no subject
"That's because," she told Cortana, "It's also in mine. This is what could be called a shared dream." Normally, she herself would also relegate this to the realm of new age myth. When she began experiencing it, she'd done her research, but there were few credible studies to be found. But in the end, while she was still looking for why it was happening, she knew that it definitely was.
no subject
"Because he doesn't CARE anymore!" She flickered red, her voice going hollow and morbid as her rampancy kicked in again. She brought her hands up to her head. "He'll survive long after I'm gone that ungrateful-"
"Cortana, stop it!"
The dim gentle blue returned to her body and she lifted her gaze back at Ami looking utterly ashamed. She shook his head.
"I-I'm sorry..."
no subject
She knew that feeling. For a moment she might have slapped Cortana (with some satisfaction), just as she might have done the same to someone else acting hysterically. Instead, as Cortana calmed herself, she decided there was no need for that. And she stayed quiet herself.
It cost her a lot to be fair, and there was something beyond ironic about the renegade senshi giving the advice she was about to speak. But in front of that raw desperation she knew all too well, she couldn't help herself in the end. Her voice was steady, detached and almost cold.
"You already know that's not the case." Wasn't it Cortana who, just a few moments ago, had realized John was thinking of her?
no subject
Again, that wasn't his fault but her thoughts were hard to set aside. Solitude was solitude whether he was lying in a cryo-pod or not. It was unbearable. She turned her head away from John ashamed of herself. He didn't want him to look at her.
"Don't hate me. He won't recognize me when he wakes up. He won't want me anymore."
no subject
The truth is it's that tiny, common thread. It's that she knows what it means to be used and cast aside, to be afraid there'll be no more place for you. She even knows what it is to be afraid your mind is breaking down because it doesn't make sense anymore and something is so out of place, wrong. There's something strange about yourself, and there shouldn't be.
"When he wakes up," she says simply, "He'll see Cortana."
no subject
"Have you seen it yourself?"
no subject
John, however, was steady. Even she knew that. And John... had treated her as a comrade. Perhaps even more like family. She nodded.
"However," she cautioned, "His first priority will also be the mission at hand."
no subject
Cortana knew that this was the way it had to be and she agreed with it. Who would save everyone if not them? They had each other and without her, John couldn't finish his mission. At least that's what she tried to believe.
"It's our priority."
no subject