onepassingnight | .006 These Woods Are Lovely, Dark and Deep

Once upon a time, for all good stories start with once upon a time, there was a great forest. It stretched on for days, for countries, for unclaimed fairy tale after unclaimed fairy tale in fact. This was the Great Wood, the Olde Wood, the Place Where All Things Start. This was the forest of all the old tales and it will ever be, until men are legends that dogs tell each other around the fires at night. Everything lives in the depths of these woods and nothing at all. Be careful what you whisper when you go into the dark for even the trees are listening and stories have a way of happening here whether you want them to or not.

Deep in the darkness, in one of the less traveled spots, there lives a wolf. The Wolf, if you will. For he is the Big Bad, the Howler at the Door, the Winter Wolf, the Devourer, the Nightmare That Creeps In Windows, the Child's Warning and, occasionally, the Huffer and Puffer, though he's taken to outsourcing the last one after one particularly embarrassing incident involving a hay allergy. He's the wise talking beast or the prehistoric feral fear. He is, in short, whatever your story needs him to be.

Don't expect him to be particularly pleased or even helpful about it though. He's been doing this job for a while now and he's getting sick of getting yanked out of rolling in dead animals just so that he can trot his fuzzy butt over to make menacing, half-assed attempts at your basket of treats and God help you if he has to dress in old lady drag One More Time!

OOC: so. Here's Cloud to provide all your Big Bad Wolf TM needs. Or frankly, the forest isn't above dragging him in to take over any animal need. There appears to be a shortage of fairy animals going around at the moment, something about better paying jobs in Hollywood. Does your story need a talking bear? Suddenly you've got a snarky wolf as your guide. Your brothers got the mill and all you got was a cat? Well, it's a wolf now and it's not happy about having to wear boots or do all your work for you, you dolt. Need that straw spun into gold by morning? Looks like you're duck out of luck. Wolves can't spin, though he does a very impressive cats cradle if you give him enough yarn and tie the knots for him. Point being, if your fairy tale has an animal of any sort in it, you've now got a very grumpy wolf who can't say 'not interested' the way he'd really rather. And, of course, he's still here for all your big bad wolfish metaphorical needs as well.

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SUDDENLY! the scene changed, going swirling and slightly nauseatingly blurry. There was the sudden introduction of ~~awesome fight music!~~ Nah, who are we kidding. When the scene cleared the exciting music was still going and there was a decided huffy looking Nibel Wolf sitting there looking - well, huffy. And very definitely Not Interested.

damned questing adventurers.

Ugh, first the weird swirling, then this crap music, and adding insult to injury, some pathetic wolf appeared? Reno shook her head, twirling her rod in one hand and waiting the necessary few seconds until her superior boss presence kicked in and the music changed into something better. Of course, her theme song had precedence in this situation.

"Is this some kind of joke?" She sighed. "Okay, wolf, listen up: I don't like you, but I'm lookin for some herbs, so I'll let you live if you tell me where to find 'em."

Little Red was the very soul of tact.

It wasn't fair that ~~Turks~~ little Red Reno's got better theme music. It was almost as if the writers enjoyed mocking Cloud or something. Either way, he let out a huff as the new music kicked in and very firmly resisted the urge to get up on his feet and bounce in place. Little Red's threat got a sideways eye roll. And a yawn for good measure.

Not interested.

Edited 2012-04-18 14:51 (UTC)

Why wouldn't the writers enjoy mocking Cloud? As far as Reno's concerned, that's a valid and entertaining pastime. She enjoyed the new music that was ruling the scene for a moment or two before remembering the task at hand and frowning at the wolf. She took a step forward, brandishing her staff. "This is kind of a big deal," she said in a patronizing tone. "I'm trying to cure a plague here. So either help me find the herbs, or we're gonna have more than words."

She had to admit, that had sounded good. She was getting the hang of this ~~bullying~~ adventuring gig.

That had the wolf's attention but it was more an annoyed narrowing of eyes than anything else. And Cloud wasn't annoyed at the threat. He was annoyed with -

"That's not how side quests go."

"Side quest? I don't know what you're talking about, Wolf. I do what I want. Rules are for fools. So are you in or are you out?"

The staff was still being brandished. Pointedly.

That was - a lot of logos and catch phrases all in one breath, Red Reno and Cloud was going to calmly sort through them all in his head. He was pretty sure at least one of them didn't even make sense if you looked at it too closely. Focusing back on the point though - the girl in front of him didn't understand a Fetch Quest obviously.

...and he was pretty sure she'd just roped him into helping her somehow...

That was what he got for not having cool enough theme music.

Fine. ~~whatever~~ The sooner he got this over with the sooner he could go back to doing other important stuff. Like ~~seeing if he can finally catch that butterfly in the flower field~~ appropriately wolfish and fearsome things. With a huff, he got to his feet and headed off toward the tree line.

"You need to talk to the potions dealer. He knows where the herbs in the forest are."

For step one at least. Cloud's suspicion was pretty high that the potion's master was going to need something to jog his memory in return. Maybe Little Red's stick could play replacement item though.

"Come on."

Hey, Red Reno knows her stupid catchphrases. And the point isn't to look closely at them, the point is to sound cool, or like you don't care. (Although secretly, she must, since she's on a quest to help people--but that's not cool.)

Nope, she was a boss, not a protagonist let's not count Before Crisis, as Reno wasn't even playable, and that, along with her superior theme music, meant she didn't have to play fetch. Like a dog. Or a wolf.

Finally, this flea-bitten beast was being cooperative, so she wouldn't have to knock him in the head. She wasn't completely sure about following a wolf around, but if he tried anything, then she could knock him in the head after all. She'd keep an eye on him.

Reno was of a cynical turn of mind herself. Potions dealer. Nice euphemism. "A dealer? I get what you're saying." There was money in drugs. What else would someone be doing out in the middle of the woods, specializing in "herbs"? She had to admit, it wasn't a bad idea. Maybe she could work out a deal (or con, or theft, whatever worked) with this dealer. There might be money in it for her, too. She'd have to scope out the situation and see what, if anything, she could get out of it.

"I'm coming, Wolfy. Lead the way. And watch yourself, because I'm watching you."

It's not hard to see the gears grinding away in Little Red Reno's head even from where he's standing and for a second, Cloud almost asks. Before his sense of preservation for what little sanity he has left kicks in and keeps his mouth firmly shut. Sometimes it's better to just not know. In fact, with Reno, it's pretty much always better that way.

The warning just gets an eyeroll and a huff. Really? Reno, your idea of capturing an Ancient alive is to shoot at her. He's really not worried about your approach, though he is a little bit concerned about your grasp of tactics if they end up in a Puzzle Game.

Why does he always get roped into the weird side quests?

No matter, he's ditching her at the Potions Dealer and hiking it as far as possible from the area until whatever disaster Red Reno causes gets over with. It's the entirety of his cunning plan and it blissfully lasts until they reach the Potions Shop hidden deep in the woods, he turns tail to mosey now that he's dropped off Red -

and realizes that there seems to be an invisible barrier that's keeping him from leaving the area.

He blames this all on you, Reno. All of it.

It's a good thing Reno knows more about shooting people than Cloud, because shooting people is a great way to bring people in alive if you do it right. Just avoid a kill shot. Stops 'em from running, that's for sure! Anyway, that's her take on the matter.

Reno laughs as Cloud tries to trot off and then suddenly stops. "What's wrong, Wolfy?" She twirls her awesome staff in his direction. "Lookin pretty mad there. I'm gonna go inside and talk to this dealer."

With that, she saunters into the shop. And Cloud can follow if he wants, though why anyone would want a flea-bitten old dog in the store is anyone's guess. She's more focused on doing business, walking up to the counter with a smile. "Hey, so I hear you do a pretty good business in 'herbs' here. You looking to expand?"

She hasn't forgotten about her main quest, she's getting to it! It's best not to look desperate right from the start and go asking for help. People tend to take a businesswoman more seriously.

.006 These Woods Are Lovely, Dark and Deep

not gonna lie - I almsot snorted soda out my nose laughing

Haha, EXCELLENT, mission accomplished!

Re: Haha, EXCELLENT, mission accomplished!

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sorry for the SLOW

NO judgement at all. I wasn't even in town lol

Haha thank you for forgiving all my slowness