Primo (
promotedpawn) wrote in
onepassingnight2012-02-09 08:04 pm
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002nd Promotion ♛ Shall we dance?
[In the Great Hall of a palace made of crystal, gold and white marble, there's a party, a big one with many guests who mingle with each other, dance, talk, laugh and eat, enjoying themselves. Everyone is in their best suits and dresses, even you, unexpected guest, will find yourself perfectly dressed for the occasion, the only difference between you and them is that them all wear masks covering their faces completely or partially. Even the musicians, at a corner of the gigantic room, cover their faces as they play music without rest or pause. The music is delicious and keeps tempting you to dance. The delicate food spread all over the tables at each side of the room also invite you to take a bite or take a drink, it doesn't matter how much you eat or drink, the food never runs out neither do the drinks.
The ceiling raises high over your head, higher and higher than your eyesight can reach, point at which it melts into a nocturne sky full of sparkling stars that shimmer and dance on their own private dance floor. No matter where you look the large windows, that show to a garden full of bright crimson and silver flowers, are all closed. Yet there must be a door or a window open as to explain the natural present of those golden butterflies and brightly red cicadas that circle around in the air, flying everywhere but not bothering anyone. Then again, they aren't exactly normal insects, are they? There are no butterflies or cicadas made of golden or red light that burst into small harmless sparkles the moment you poke at them. But it doesn't matter, why should it?
Come and relax uninvited guest. No one care where you're from or why you're here so don't worry yourself with those things either. Just relax and enjoy yourself in this dreamlike party. Who knows how long will it last?]
The ceiling raises high over your head, higher and higher than your eyesight can reach, point at which it melts into a nocturne sky full of sparkling stars that shimmer and dance on their own private dance floor. No matter where you look the large windows, that show to a garden full of bright crimson and silver flowers, are all closed. Yet there must be a door or a window open as to explain the natural present of those golden butterflies and brightly red cicadas that circle around in the air, flying everywhere but not bothering anyone. Then again, they aren't exactly normal insects, are they? There are no butterflies or cicadas made of golden or red light that burst into small harmless sparkles the moment you poke at them. But it doesn't matter, why should it?
Come and relax uninvited guest. No one care where you're from or why you're here so don't worry yourself with those things either. Just relax and enjoy yourself in this dreamlike party. Who knows how long will it last?]
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So for a few moments she just stands there, but then her body makes the decision before her mind does. Ange quickly patters forward into the crowd while trying to make sure to not trip over her dress or something like that, her head quickly glancing around to spot him again. It's more difficult when suddenly all masks and dresses and suits seem to look alike, but after a few moments of.. worry, almost, she does manage to spot him, making her way through the crowd towards him.
Ange wants to speak up, but her throat almost feels tight, so.. instead she taps him on the shoulder, considering she spotted him from the back. ]
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But she searches for him and he knows it's her as she taps his shoulder, even if he hasn't seen her approach him. There's no one else here who would call his attention like that. He turns around, mask still on, obscuring part of his face but leaving his mouth and eyes in clear sight. He could be anyone else, with just what the masks shows he may not even look like himself anymore and that's why he decides to not take the mask off. Not unless she asks for it, not when he knows that she can't stand his face, or so he thinks.
He looks at her in stern silence for a moment before he moves, hands searching for hands, holding them and pulling her closer as an arm sneaks around her waist, trying to guide her recently freed hand to his shoulder. And if she allows all that, if she lets him guide her... He pulls her into a dance, following the music filling the place, without bothering with words.]
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It's easier without words at first either way, easier to just take it one step at a time even if it looks slightly awkward if they are just quietly dancing there with still some slight hint of tension in the air. At first Ange looks up at his mask, but the eyes are so clearly visible that instead she moves her gaze down to avoid his'. After all, taking this one step at a time is already difficult enough, and just them touching like this is already quite a step.
It's probably better if they don't talk at first either way, she figures, instead just trying to match his steps in the dance as he guides her. If she says the wrong thing, it might just ruin everything in this moment, just like last time. That moment she had hesitated because of her feelings too and said things near-carelessly, being trapped against the glass with his hand on her neck as if to choke her.. Somehow she can still feel that touch when she thinks about it and it seems scarier than anything else she has ever experienced. But right now his touch is different, more gentle, the way she imagined it would have been with Keiichi in Luceti if she had gotten the chance.
But with all those thoughts she still doesn't say anything, instead silently following the dance. ]
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He guides her calmly and easily, knowing how to move so she can move with him in the easiest way possible for her. It reminds him of that time they "danced" on ice, though this time is a proper dance. He says nothing, though, voices no thoughts. There's no point on it now and he's enjoying the party so much, he will be content with just dancing with her until it's over.
So, unless she stops, this dance will be followed by another. And then another. And another. In complete silence unless she says something first.]
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But eventually, after what nearly seems like an eternity, she stops instead, taking her hands off him, away from him. No, going on like this isn't fair, it isn't right - 'you go once more to that middle point that serves for nothing but hurt everyone', that's what he had said the last time around right before things got worse, right? That space where she doesn't say anything because she doesn't know what to say, doesn't know what she wants, because she feels scared and lonely even with him by her side since she pushes him away.
She manages to force her gaze up, to meet his eyes, that golden stare. But seeing just those, just a sign of the wizard, that isn't right either, so.. slowly she reaches out, her hands moving to his face to take off his mask, revealing his face. She lets the mask drop to the floor unceremoniously, but keeps her hand near his face before just downright putting them on the sides of his face to touch it, that face just like Keiichi's.
'So, now, what do you live on for?'
That's what Ami had asked her, right? There wasn't anything worth living for, so why didn't she just die? It would be so easy, just like that night, right? But no, there's still something she's clinging on to. Something she still wants rather than death, but the one stopping her from that is.. herself, isn't it..? ]
... Sorry. [ It's almost said a bit awkwardly, especially considering she had been quiet even during these actions just now. Part of her feels like it's inappropriate to keep her hands there on the sides of his face, but it would be too awkward to slowly remove them now either way, even though she does try a little. ] I'm.. probably just an unexpected guest here, right?
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He can't help himself, when her hands touch the sides of his face he tilts his head, leaning into the touch. The touch he wished for so much and so long, the touch he could never have. He shouldn't give in, he knows it will hurt but he doesn't care. He's a wizard anyway, a monster already, what does it matter if he hurts, he will bear with it, like with everything else.
He looks at her seriously and silently as she apologizes. What is she apologizing for anyway? He doubts it really matters or that it's about something he wants to hear so he doesn't question her. He objects, though, to her last words.]
An unexpected but welcomed guest would be the most accurate definition. I don't make an habit out of dancing with undesired guests that sneak their way in my home.
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But she still doesn't remove her hands, maybe especially not since she can feel him leaning against them, not even as she speaks on. ]
But what I really wanted to say was.. I couldn't stop thinking about it. About you, about last time. [ Although the latter is accompanied by a whole slew of feelings she can't quite place in proportion to each other - guilt, fear, pain. ] When I was awake, when there was another chase between Amakusa and I and the Sumaderas, even then it kept haunting through my head, up to a point where even Amakusa kept noticing my absentmindedness.
That's how I realised.. you were right about one thing. [ She swallows, and it's getting harder to keep facing those golden eyes while admitting it. ] It's because of my indeciviseness that everyone gets hurt. Because I don't make the choice. [ Because, no matter what he thinks, she hasn't fully rejected him. Even if the fear has been there, the love is there too and the two keep mixing and confusing her - even if she's at a point where she thinks one of the two wins, the next moment the other comes forward strongly. ]
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[He listens to her, intently as always, looking into her eyes as she talks and remaining silent as words flow through her lips. He can't say he's not surprised to hear her point out her major problem, is that supposed to mean that his words reached her after all? At least a few of them. At least partially.]
That's good. Maybe one day you'll be able to make a choice now that you realize that.
[It's not dismissive though it may sound that way. Part of him, tired of being hurt, disillusioned from having received nothing he really wanted in exchange of his sacrifice, wants his words to be dismissive. He wants to not care, about her, about her feelings, about her choice. But the rest of him just doesn't want her to rush. Even if he's tired of waiting, what's time for someone who can't even tell what hour he lives in? So he can wait some more, he can wait forever, he wants to wait eternally until her choice is made, without rushing, without pressure.
But he really can't just not apply some pressure when he feels she slips through his fingers.]
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[ At least, she guesses it's what he's thinking or would prefer, since she wants to be able to just make it too but again she lacks that final step, that final step she's so bad at taking without practically being shoved or forced into taking it. And thinking of it as the guy she loved rather than the fear of the sorcerer that relived at being pinned and nearly actually choked the other day (or rather, night), he does deserve the answer, the decision. If he's been waiting this long just for her.. She's not the only lonely one, he must have been at least somewhat in pain too like this, all this time. ]
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For them, maybe. Personally time matters next to nothing once a certain amount of it passes.
[She can never come to imagine exactly how long it has been for him. How warped up is time for a wizard like him, how what for her are a few hours can be hundreds of years for him. He's tired of waiting, he's hurt, but he won't stop waiting. Neither he will stop searching. Because if he does then there will be nothing left but a twisted wizard with nothing to do but kill his own boredom.]
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Then.. I'd like to ask a last request of you.
[ Even if she's already done enough selfish things to ask for more now, but, just this.. ]
... Back in Luceti.. I was sent away from that place too early, but surely you had some plan to tell me directly about your feelings sometime, right? It was right before Christmas, and we were supposed to go out together that day, so.. were you going to tell me then? [ a deep breath. ] Even if it's been a long time, surely you would not forget that if it was something that important to you, so what I'm asking is.. please tell me.
What Keiichi-- [ she shakes her head lightly to herself. ] What you were going to say to me. How you were going to say it. Just.. exactly like that.
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So one last request... And then? The end, isn't that right?]
There's no way I could forget the things I had planned for that day. I had been working on the whole plan for several weeks before it, to make sure that it was perfect, to make sure that I would be able to expose my heart completely to you so you wouldn't be able to have doubts or fears about it.
[Part of him doesn't want to fulfill this request. Both because it hurts to remember what he had wanted to do and was unable to, all the hours spent working on the simulation of his village, just to never be able to use it... And because she said it was the last one. But he can't not fulfill it, either.]
I was going to take you to the Battle Dome, first, where a simulation of my village, Hinamizawa, would play. Complete with simulations of my friends, following a script I prepared under the premise of "Ange visits Hinamizawa for one day". I was going to show you the most important places there, show you how we had fun there... After that there would be dinner and then, at the top of the cherry hill, we would watch fireworks. And I would be brave and embrace you while telling you what was on my heart. I hadn't planed the exact words, I didn't want them to be practiced, just honest and true. So I can't tell you the exact things I was going to tell you then.
But I can tell you what I would tell you if I was allowed to do so now, and I assure you that what I would say is no different from what I would have said back then. Ushiromiya Ange, I love you. I've loved you since a long way ago, before I realized it myself. I don't know how it started, or what made me fall for you, but once I realized it there was no turning back. There's no turning back. Even if you're not with me I keep loving you, even if I may never be able to see you again, each day I fall more and more for you, even now. I can live without you, without this version of you and without any other you, but I don't want to do so. I would prefer to not have to do so.
Back then I wanted to hold you in my arms forever and show you just how much happiness you can still get from life even if the whole world goes to ruin. I still want to, I want to show you that fate is something to crush and destroy, not something to give up to no matter how hard it seems. That there's always a chance, even when it's hopeless. To make you happier than you have ever been in your life, even when your family was with you.
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Words don't come, no matter whether she waits in silence or not for a few moments. But there's a much easier option than talking, trying to pick words to put everything she thinks and feels into them, and it seems even more easy while she already had her hands on the side of his face right before this to start with, as if she just has to return to that.
The mask is once again dropped on the ground, and instead she moves her hands quickly back onto the sides of his face. Before giving him the chance to react or maybe realise what exactly is happening she's already moving closer, putting her lips to his' and drawing him in with her grasp.
Even if it's different from what it should have been that day, even if both of them don't have wings anymore, even if both of them and especially him have changed...
She kisses him, and it's not anything out of just fear of pity or any other emotion (except maybe slight guilt, just slightly, for making him wait) except for the love she never was able to express before, not fully, since she kept holding back during the important moments. There's something slightly desperate in it though, as if she's trying to hold onto the happiness she's trying to grasp tightly in all of it. ]
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If only he was like Bernkastel or Lambdadelta... He wouldn't care about her feelings then, he could just take her and tie her to him. He would be able to be happy even if she wasn't and he would find a way to make her happy as well even if she didn't want to be so. It's tempting, but he hates the idea. It's always like that, a fleeting thought that comes to his mind when he reaches the edge of patience, the edge of hope. But every time it comes the result is the same, he only feels disgust at the idea, rejection and he merely turns and walks back to the start of patience and hope. Even now he does it. Even when faced by the fact that there may be no longer any hope for this.
He's distracted by the mask falling once more, he can't help his eyes to leave hers just then, looking at the dropped mask. Soon he will know himself how it feels to be dropped by those beautiful hands that he longs to hold and kiss, right?
He's wrong.
It happens too quickly, or maybe he is too sluggish for one moment, and suddenly there's Ange all around him. Her hands on his head, her breath on his face, her lips on his lips. All thoughts in his mind are destroyed, shattered to tiny pieces as his mind surrenders, leaving only heart and feelings to react, raising their voices in a clamorous roar as he forgets himself.
His arms are around her waist in a second, pulling her close, pressing her body against his, fitting perfectly as if they were two parts of the whole. Tightly so she doesn't even slip through his hold, completely so nothing tries to steal her from him. And he kisses back, passionately, furiously even, with the same desperation someone has when drinking water after being at the edge of dying from thirst. With the love of someone who has been in love for over hundreds of years and has been unable to show it even once.]
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But she still bears those feelings of his as much as she can, if not just to make the kiss carry on for as long as they can. But she's only human, she needs to breathe, so once she feels herself starting to get out of breath she pulls away a little, still lingering close to his face but enough to be able to draw in air.
She could feel it even in the kiss, especially in the kiss. He's been waiting so long, this long, just for her. Part of it was her fault, due to her fear and indecision, and she couldn't even help the rest of it since it was just the nature of all these worlds that it was so difficult to find her, just her, out of all the Anges. She's not one to easily cry, but she feels her eyes sting and before she even realises it tears roll down her cheeks for him, even though she's happy as well. ]
... I'm home. [ Isn't that what he said last time they met? That she should be the one to start 'returning home', right..? ] Sorry that I took so long.
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It's not like himself. It's completely not like himself, but he doesn't care. Just as her pretty face starts to get drenched with her tears, so does his own face. It's a feeling he hasn't felt in so long... Relief. Pure and simple relief. And love, so much love. Love was always with him, but it can't be compared what one sole person feels with what two people can share. Finally, finally this part of his journey has ended, he has finally found her and been able to meet her, hasn't he? Even through the uncharacteristic tears he smiles at her, he looks completely human now, even his eyes seem to flicker in color, blue peeking from behind a curtain of gold.]
Welcome home, Ange... I'm finally home too. Finally...
[He hugs her even more tightly, burying his face against her neck and shoulder, probably pulling her to her tip toes. Finally.]
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And he looks more human than she's ever seen him, more and more like she remembers him, even if it's overly emotional right now. And he's crying now after all the waiting and pain, so she can't help but want to reassure him slightly at least in return for causing part of it, so her tone turns warm. ]
It's okay now. I'm right here. And I won't leave, I'll be with you as much as I possibly can. [ As much as she can, of course, since there's still that barrier that she can only see him like this, while she's sleeping. ] You don't have to be alone or hurt anymore, because I'll be right there for you at your side when you need it.
[ She squeezes him as much as she can while in this position, her tone dropping to a whisper. ]
I love you.
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Besides, for good or bad, sooner or later her time will come in the real world and they will be together forever. It won't matter for him how old she is or if she found someone outside dreams, so long as they remain together here.
He laughs at her comforting words.]
I would say... That those are my lines, Ange. I'm here too, I've always been by your side, even when you're awake, I still watch over you. None of us have to be alone anymore, we're together now. Even if it's in those moments for now, it's still enough.
I've missed you.
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I've missed you too..
[ As if she could even fall in love with anyone else by now. Even if they can only meet like this, in dreams, then that's enough for her. Even if anyone else might call her crazy. She's just incapable of loving anyone but him by now, no matter what. And staying here with him like this, being held by him.. even though it's only a few moments, it seems like an eternity either way. ]
I promise to come see you like this as much as I can. So you won't just have to watch me all the time, since then I can see you in return as well. [ Then they can hold each other like this. ] And.. I won't love anyone except you.
[ It's not a promise, but a fact. ]
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Even if you did I wouldn't mind, but I prefer if you don't. I won't love anyone else either, though that should be obvious already.
[He has loved her for all those years, even when he has met other Anges, he only looked for her. A hand finds its way to caress her own face and hair, pulling it back gently to get a better look. How long he has longed for this, maybe this time he's dreaming as well after all.]
Thank you.
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[ It's obviously just a joke, though, since she knows he wouldn't do that - not after he's been searching for this long just for her, even when she didn't accept him as quickly he was still faithful to her, so.. she smiles. Partly from happiness, but at the same time it also indicates she's clearly joking about it. It feels strange, though, to be this openly happy, like she hasn't in a long time. ]
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And I have hold myself back at more than just another Ange being around.
[The last part is said with a darker tone, not too dark but it's obviously even if it's unintentional. He has had to stand and watch as the Ange he has met in the games he's involved with was teared down to pieces, as she became something that couldn't be called human or animal even when being blind. No matter how much he wanted to stop it, to change that... He had to hold himself back and act as if he had never seen her before, as if he didn't care. Bernkastel already suspected him, probably since the beginning, but he couldn't reveal his cards yet. Not when he himself wasn't sure with how things were in those games, only knowing what Ange and Bernkastel once told him.
If he was able to distance himself enough to do that, to watch her sacrifice herself... She really has no reason to ever worry.]
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She moves her arms up until she's clinging to him around the neck. ]
You've suffered so much.. For my sake, too. [ Ah, the list of stuff she has to repay him for is just growing even after Luceti, isn't it.. ]
But.. you said you would watch me even while I'm awake, right? So.. [ ... ] Back in Luceti, Bernkastel already told me about something that would happen a while after I got back. Nothing has happened so far, but when it does.. don't watch it if it will just hurt you too, okay? I wouldn't want that.
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[He nuzzles her face as he speaks, kissing her skin softly and with adoration. How much he wants to just take her away and never let her wake up again, to keep her safe forever even against her will. But he doesn't do it. He loves her too much.]
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[ She just presents it as a slight joke like that, not letting her gaze leave his. There's a little more behind it though, since.. would she mind it, letting him save her? In a way she's always much too stubborn to ask for help, since it makes her feel too vulnerable, too weak, but if it's him.. would something like that be alright after all..? ]
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