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onepassingnight2011-12-20 09:42 pm
hisdreamsmyfate.livejournal.com) wrote in onepassingnight2011-12-20 09:42 pm
- 006 || eternity stares back.
Is it dark? Are you still awake? Where are you? Is this a dream?
All of these thoughts and more would flutter through your mind, caught on the thin wire between consciousness, and being trapped within the confines of your own imagination. In time, it slowly dissapates, burning away as the universe reveals itself. You might find yourself standing on a tall, icly pillar, gazing at the stars that seem forever locked in twilight. Or perhaps you're deeper, nearly drowning in a pool of water that seems to have an almost green tinge, wouldn't you agree? and just barely managing to float to the surface. Planets are out of line, the clouds are tricoloured and thick, but no matter what.
The stars remain.
This land is open, free. Shattered. There are absolutely no restrictions here, and the asteroids have already grasped the concept. They shift and crumble before you, just before drifting into the great abyss. You might see those you know, wandering the stars - some with a confused stagger, and others with defined purpose.
Look down.
One of the asteroids is misshapen.
And there is the faint outline of a man resting upon it, sitting as if in meditation.
The will of this world guides you towards it.
All of these thoughts and more would flutter through your mind, caught on the thin wire between consciousness, and being trapped within the confines of your own imagination. In time, it slowly dissapates, burning away as the universe reveals itself. You might find yourself standing on a tall, icly pillar, gazing at the stars that seem forever locked in twilight. Or perhaps you're deeper, nearly drowning in a pool of water that seems to have an almost green tinge, wouldn't you agree? and just barely managing to float to the surface. Planets are out of line, the clouds are tricoloured and thick, but no matter what.
The stars remain.
This land is open, free. Shattered. There are absolutely no restrictions here, and the asteroids have already grasped the concept. They shift and crumble before you, just before drifting into the great abyss. You might see those you know, wandering the stars - some with a confused stagger, and others with defined purpose.
Look down.
One of the asteroids is misshapen.
And there is the faint outline of a man resting upon it, sitting as if in meditation.
The will of this world guides you towards it.
no subject
no. no. no no no. God dammit no! Not again.
- and for just a moment, Cloud's world tips on edge again in the face of those lifeless, dead eyes and he's sixteen inside a body he doesn't recognize, surrounded by a world that's too loud and bright and sharp and overwhelming. And the one thing that's made sense inside his muddled, feverish brain, the one thing he has left in a world where sound cuts and starlight is so bright it hurts is dying, dying, dead. His fault. All his fault. Because he's weak. He's weak, he's always weak and he's no good for anything. Zack was. Zack was - He can't do this. He can't. Cloud can't. Zack could have but Zack's dead and he's only Cloud and he can't - he can't.
Zack could.
Someone like Zack could.
A SOLDIER First could.
Cloud's not good enough. Cloud's not strong enough. Cloud's a failure.
Cloud should be the dead one on the hill. A SOLDIER First should be the one walking away.
I'll be your living legacy.
I'll live the life you were meant to.
I'll be you. Because Cloud shouldn't still be alive and Zack should. And if he can't be Cloud because Cloud's not strong enough to survive this, he'll be someone else. Someone like a SOLDIER First. He'll live the life Zack wanted to.
We'll be mercenaries
I'll be SOLDIER tough. No one will ever hurt what I love ever, ever again.
He's gasping by the time it finishes running through him. Thoughts he'd had without even thinking them. Spindly salvation to a shattering, feverish mind too scared to face things as himself. A promise. He'd made a promise. Dead hands in torn gloves close on his skin, on the disease burning under his skin on one side but it's not that pain that has the tears blurring his eyes and his throat as raw as if he'd been screaming all this time when he's truly been silent.
"Cloud," it comes out raw and ashamed. There's no triumphant or pride in that name. He'd fought so hard to find his way back to himself - and it hadn't mattered in the end. He's an incomplete Zack - but he's an even worse Cloud. "I'm Cloud."