❀ Fourth Illusion ❀ Kanda Yu

[decaying]

Kanda had been expecting some animosity on his return. No one really liked a traitor.

To his surprise, it had all been the exact opposite. The minute Kanda had walked through the main gates of the Chinese branch, he was greeted with sobs, tears, and exclamations about how he was never allowed to die or not!die the way he had again. Komui had taken him into his arms and Lenalee had sobbed and followed suite. After everyone was sure Kanda's hands couldn't reach for his sword he had been overrun by a dog pile. They told him he was home. Kanda knew better.

The only reason he had returned was because he had to. Being an exorcist meant he had to do what the innocence living inside of him wanted: kill akuma. If he went off that plan he would be corrupted and then he would become a fallen. He'd lose his mind and die in excruciating pain. Kanda had things to do before he decided to bite the dust.

I have someone to find...

After the scientists and the section leaders had their turn welcoming Kanda back, they left him to his own devices. He hadn't eaten in days so the first place he went to was Jerry's kitchen in the cafeteria. The guy was so annoyingly animated he figured it was going to take a lot of patience to deal with him. He hadn't even gotten near the cue line when he could all ready hear Jerry talking.

"Well if it isn't my new favorite General!" Several finders turned around and gave Kanda a hard look. "Where have you been? I've ordered all this soba and you haven't been here to eat it all."

Kanda gave him a weak smile and ordered his usual before sitting in the farthest corner away from everyone. He was a general now. No doubt about it.

Comments

[decaying]

"You're not very smart, are you?"

John's reaction to his comment on wanting to marry her was probably normal. Most people didn't talk about that so lightly but to Kanda there was no point in hiding from John. Ami was his, they had made that official some time ago and through Kanda's traditions, he was supposed to marry her before doing the things they had done. Needless to say, Kanda knew since then that he was going to propose soon. He just preferred to do it in person.

"When people get married, they tend to live together. Do you understand that? It's why I need to find her, get out of my world and try and get to hers. I can't do that until I finish my work here but she knows that all ready. I won't die until I find my way to her world." Because he's confident there just has to be a way.

[one_one_se7en]

He slowly turns to Kanda. For a Spartan, he thought of himself as intelligent. But even something like marriage with the person he wants to protect needs confirmation. That way, Kanda would not need to reveal what prompted his need to marry.

Kanda's desire. And his obligation to finish things in his world. With the awakening of the Didact, he knew it too well.

"Ami and I are world-jumpers."

A lonely fate, he grew to think about.

"Crossing worlds takes knowledge, technology... and luck." Always luck. "She hopped twice into my world, and she's been reading more into it. If you have a friend who would know about it... tell him of your dreams."

[decaying]

"I don't know what you're getting at." He muttered, feeling himself growing annoyed. Perhaps it was his own social awkwardness and the fact he didn't quite know the proper way to talk to people that he kept confusing himself.

"Why are you interrogating me again? I told you, I'm serious about Ami. Isn't that enough?"

[one_one_se7en]

His visor looks down. He doesn't answer for a moment.

"What I want is her happiness."

Something he doesn't know if he will be able to give her.

"We don't open up easy." He turns to him. "But if he trusts you, and so do you... I will."

[decaying]

"Tch. You're both idiots."

In his world, Kanda was probably the most difficult person to speak with. He hadn't exactly spoken very kindly to anyone but it wasn't because he didn't know how, he just didn't want to. He hated the Black Order, he despised what they made him so of course his spite would reflect his attitude, but when it came to hopping worlds, he couldn't blame anyone unless they were stupid. He was calmer.

"I don't know what your story is but I know hers and all I can say is that instead of thinking too much, you both should just live in the moment. Respond to what you feel. Don't think about what you're feeling or else that defeats the purpose."

To him there was no such thing as not knowing what you wanted or not knowing how to feel. He felt many things, mostly anger and hate, bt that didn't mean he couldn't feel happiness or love or trust just because he had never experienced it.

"She needs you in her life too though I'm sure she's never told you that," He knows because he's blunt and stubborn enough to ask her questions until she finds the answer," it's not that hard to tell her she means something to you too. Maybe if you both stopped thinking about it so much, you could make things better."

Just. You know. Don't take his woman or he'll sword you.

[one_one_se7en]

Suddenly, John feels unexpected guilt over getting Ami to his safari on Requiem.

He only looks at Kanda as he calls Ami and John 'idiots'. Himself, he could accept it, as he learned there were ways of which he still needed to learn and mature; Ami was the most brilliant person he had ever known... only, perhaps, needing the maturity and protection Kanda and John wanted for her.

And it is the sentence that makes him think, once again, over things even Cortana has told him about in Requiem. Old words from Yuuko come back: Of not wasting his time alive.

People really should try to live their lives like they were actually were precious to them. And the world around them, too... It's so wasteful, really.

He lowers his head.

"I think I understand."