She doesn't know herself, why. No words come to her mind to shape themselves into the right form and order to make a good excuse. She can argue all she wants about practical reasons, but a part of her knows those weren't her real ones.

It was him. Something in her just hadn't been able to seek the worst punishment after all, if it was to Kanda. And she knows that was ridiculous. It was not merciful, or kind; it was soft and foolish and dangerous.

"He knows more about what's coming next. He's the best information to still find the mage." She doesn't call Cortana by name. "And..."

If John thinks an admission of her feelings will come next, he's about to be disappointed. "I just want to see what he'll do."

It's not as simple as that, of course. She's watching to see what he betrayed - and stayed loyal to.